An Adults Only post 
At some time in your life, you’ll be faced with someone you hate or dislike intensely. Sometimes you even have to cook for them which only makes matters worse as the reason why you probably hate them may be because they whinge about the food that you make or complain that it’s not to their taste or feel the need to go all Project Runway on your home decor. Having this person in your house is about as much fun as a colonoscopy.
Of course with other company present, it’s sometimes necessary to fake a smile and grit your teeth. Sometimes you call your own time out on this person and retreat to the kitchen tempted to add a few dollops of Habanero chilli sauce to their meal. But may I present you with the ultimate way to get through the meal than with a bread that says it all: the Give Them The Finger Bread!
I got the idea from MaryPoppinsinHeels, a blogger who has a wickedly fun sense of humour. I always chuckle when I read her posts and when I saw her Bread Hand I knew I wanted to make it. I gave it a few attempts but my hands were never as good as hers so I asked her for some tips. She replied quickly and helpfully with tips such as make the fingers thinner as they’ll puff up and model it on your own hand. I totally agreed with her tips, the dough does puff up. I was getting very fat,stumpy fingers so I realised that my proportions were wrong as I made the fingers too short so I used my hand as a guide. I also loved her husband’s advice:
“E said to tell you that part of the process in forming the hand is really feeling the sentiment! ”
My hands aren’t quite as artful as hers and I used a brioche dough recipe that I had used before as I wanted to minimise the variables. I showed them to my husband who chuckled and even my mum laughed where she would normally purse her lips in disapproval. I think she thought I had accidentally created it and had she known I had deliberately made it this way there would have been a bit of clucking.
Would anyone like some bread?
But this is not only good for use at dinner parties. May I present a workplace situation where you could subtly give the boss the finger? 
So tell me Dear Reader, what do people do that really annoys you and makes you want to flip them the bird?
Give Them The Finger Bread
Makes approximately 8 hands
- 1/3 cup warm water (105°F to 115°F)
- 1/3 cup warm milk (105°F to 115°F)
- 2 envelopes/14g/4.5 teaspoons dry yeast
- 3 3/4 cups all purpose flour
- 2 teaspoons salt
- 3 large eggs
- 1/2 cup caster sugar
- 1 1/2 cups/3 sticks/320grams unsalted butter, each stick cut into 6 pieces, at room temperature
- 1 egg, beaten to blend with 1 tablespoon water (for glaze)
- 1 packet of slivered almonds for fingernails (you won’t need the whole bag but you may want to find good “nails”)
1. Place the warm water, warm milk, and yeast in bowl of standing heavy-duty mixer; stir until yeast dissolves. Fit mixer with dough hook. Add flour and salt to bowl; mix on low speed just until flour is moistened (you may need to use a spatula to help combine the two) about 10 seconds. Scrape sides and bottom of bowl. Beat in 3 eggs on low speed, then add sugar. Increase speed to medium and beat until dough comes together, about 3 minutes. Reduce speed to low. Add butter, 1 piece at a time, beating until each piece is almost incorporated before adding next (dough will be soft and batter-like). Increase speed to medium-high and beat until dough pulls away from sides of bowl which will take about 7 minutes. You’d be surprised at how it does come together after a while as it looks beyond repair at times! Or use pent up fury to knead.
2. Cover bowl with plastic wrap. Let dough rise at room temperature until almost doubled in volume for about 1 hour. Lift up dough around edges and allow dough to fall and deflate in bowl. Cover bowl with plastic and chill until dough stops rising, lifting up dough around edges and allowing dough to fall and deflate in bowl every 30 minutes which is about 2 hours total. Cover bowl with plastic; chill dough overnight. The longer it rests the easier it is to work with so overnight is preferable but results in delayed gratification where immediate gratification may be necessary
3. The next day, summon up any inner rage at this person and punch dough down. Knead with dough hook for 1-2 minutes. Then rest the dough for another 20 minutes while covered until ready for use.
4. Line 2 baking sheets with parchment. Lightly grease hands and pinch off some dough and roughly pull it into a triangle shape. Use your own palm to shape it into the same size as your palm. Place “palm” on parchment. Pinch a small ball and place in palm to represent the fleshy part of the palm. Then roll dough into a long rope to make fingers. The dough does rise so make them thinner than your actual fingers as they roughly double in thickness. Measure the length of your fingers against the rope of dough and affix it to the palm with the middle finger going upwards and the other facing downwards. Again use your own hand as a guide. Preheat oven to 200c/400F.
Use your own finger length as a model for proportions
5. Gently glaze with egg glaze and affix the almonds. Draw lines to represent lines on hand and bake for 20 minutes or so depending on the size of your hand (yours may need 5 minutes longer if the model has man hands).
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94 Comments | Add your own
Daaaaaahling, you are my kind of girl! Very cool!!!! I love this.
*kisses* HH
Hilarious! Kind of lacks subtlety though!!! I am dying to know what they did to you to annoy you so much…
LOL! That is a great idea!
Fortunately, I never have to cook for people I hate. There’s nothing worth than food made without love…
Cheers,
Rosa
HILARIOUS! I love it, right down to the fingernail details!
Love it! A particularly useful bread if your Valentine screwed up on Sunday.
Hahaha Lorraine I bet this would’ve generated a lot of responses from your readers! This is a hailarious post
hahahaa. I will be good I promise
Boy can I think of some great places to send that bread…very amusing and beautifully crafted….fingers
You are just too funny! Good luck explaining this post to your mum. Hehehe…
That. IS. AWESOME!
This is the FPE (funniest post ever). There are a few people at work thAt I would definately give this bread too. I can’t wait to get to work now. I’ll be sending this post to a few people ehehhehe.
What do people do that really annoy me? Where do I start? LOL. Standing at my counter waiting to pay when there’s a massive sign right in front of them that reads “Please pay for all purchases at the front counter” would be a start! I swear people ignore signs these days.
Tailgating! And not even pretending to care when one’s children and screeching and running around an art gallery.
Also, being Jonas Armstrong and *not* falling in love with me.
Sigh.
when this page first loaded I thought you were creating some sort of other male appendage:P
So a flipping the bird bread was not so bad after all:)
Well looky there, the accompaniment for the next meal I have to cook for the in laws!!! Thanks Lorraine
I like…..I have some 5 minute bread dough chilling in the fridge. May try this with my girls tomorrow….
Lorraine, this is hilarious! It put a wide smile on my face, as I started thinking about who I could make these for
Lol. Omg, this is hilarious! I love novelty shaped foods! I could definitely give this to a few people that I know
omg this is hilarious!!
LOL!! I love it! nice work… might have to bring it out at a dinner party for a certain guest
Haha! Oh my. I think this might get a disapproving look from my Mum, but I’ll be sure to keep it in mind if I ever need to send someone a message
I can see the humour but personally I couldn’t/wouldn’t do it. I’d rather not cook for that certain someone or just make them a coffee, or better still not invite them!
The finger speaks
hahahaa… ur post really made my day this morning, i was trying not to get into one of my giggling fits. now, if only my bread would come out from d oven as good looking as urs.. ;P
hilarious! That is EXTREMELY creative!
Nice one Lorraine
I find this amusing.
HAHA! How funny is this?! Fortunately I don’t invite people that I hate over for dinner as they aren’t deserving of it.
Bwhahaha…lol…Lorraine…u r just the funniest… loveee this post
Lorraine, you’re funny and I know that with practice you’ll get better with the proportion
) I just hope that you wouldn’t send one to me.
Oh, I’m always getting annoyed at people. The general public are idiots!
Cute project
ok, this is halarious. I’ll be saving this one.
bread just got so much cooler with this post
I definitely want to try making this!
That is hilarious. I love the detail you put into the fingernails. This is undeniably the gift from the heart.
How much ‘passion’ would one have to have to go through this effort? Who knows, that may be the last time you ever have to cook for that person again (if they get the hint).
Taxi drivers make me want to give them the Finger Bread. Need I elaborate?
Classic bread.. Thanks for the laughs.
This is hilarious, Lorraine! What a funny and creative idea. Love it.
I believe you could modify it for hens nights
FANTASTIC! Oh so verryy creative!
I love it I love it I love it! Just make sure the only person that deserves it gets the finger, while everyone else gets the normal bread
Hilarious! I love LOVE this!
Bahahaha!!! This post made my day!
My biggest pet hate at the moment (as I’m a sales rep) is bad drivers. And not skill – I mean, not indicating, cutting people off, talking on phones and being aggressive when you don’t need to be.
GRRR!!
Love the hand – might keep this one up my sleeve for some special guests
*cracking up big time* You just take the cake (bread) girl! So want to rush off and make this but not prepared to explain to children what that finger means
Hehe, very funny. Did you end up giving it to someone who you didn’t like???
One of my big irks is when people walk out in front of you and then proceed to dawdle along. Flipping the bird wouldn’t be helpful given that their back is turned to you but I have often been tempted to step on their heels.
He, he – I like it!
lol this is too funny
and nice nails! im currently sporting some black nails myself
Fantastic idea, Lorraine!!!
Love it!! 
Very interesting bread ;-, I mean the shape
Thanks for the chuckle. xx
Hahaha! This is stupidly funny!
LOVE IT!!!
Bahahaha! I know the perfect someone to give this to. Thanks for the idea hahahaha!
This is great, Lorraine! Your flip is beautiful and the message is perfect! Thanks for the very flattering plug, too. As always, you’ve made my day, NQN!
Rule number 1 – try not to invite people you hate to your house!
Very funny post!
you are hilarious Lorraine!!!! did u actually serve this? i think not ..but its sooo funny…imagine if u did serve it…OMG lol
That’s brilliant NQN – I love it! Did you actually use it?
Best. Bread. EVER!
What a brilliant idea. I love it.
It’s a pity I can’t actually make this as I know it would make my situation even worse, especially when they have no idea that I find them really annoying.
I just thought of an idea, what about a bread hand for Halloween.
Hilarious!! Teehehe I would never have thought of this. Such a conflicting message too. Lol
I knew there was a reason I liked you.
Looks just like my twitter/facebook pic.
AWESOME to the power of eleven.
LOLzzzz…thats a fantastic bread
LOL,with my dull sense of humour, I would never be able to come up with something like this…but I can still laugh along with everyone else.
this is hilarious. Less subtle than some extra chilli- but hey who needs subtlety when you are really mad about having to cook for someone horrid
Oh I love it. Have a (former) friend who would habitually be up to an hour late for dinner….this isnt so bad if you are bbq’ing – but say you are doing a nice piece of blood rare roast on a sunday….
Cute.. very cute. I love it. Can definitely see it going global – a new addition to the Baker’s Delight selection perhaps (lol) I would annoy someone just to have a nibble – looks really yum
I have a couple of idiot workmates that shit trash & judge me about food blogging and my tastes in food. However, it doesn’t stop them from eating and enjoying the food that I bring in for everyone.
I might make this finger shape into a cake and bring it into work as my own birthday cake and watch these idiot douchbags eat the “F*ck You Cake” and enjoy it.
That would make my f*cking day!
Haha, too funny!
This would be great to take into work for those people that always feel like they have to comment on other’s lunch choices.
NQN what a laugh! We could go through hundreds of those at my work, and thats just in one day! LOL
Lorraine, this is awesome. I do need that bread very badly. You know, I applied for a tourist visa (not mentioning which country) but the embassy refused it. They think I might not leave at the end of my temporary permit if they allow me to enter. I guess it has something to do with my permanent residency denied before. So, if I could go to the embassy, I want to present this bread. Not just one, but a dozen of it. This post made me laugh.
Haha if I was given this bread I dont think I would have noticed it until it was half eaten hee hee mmmmm looks so tasty even though it is so rude hahah
You are a complete classic! What a top idea. I definitely want to give my old boss this. What has he done to annoy me? Try 3 years of bullying and undermining.
Come to think of it, your bread is much too good for him.:-)
Thanks for my laugh of the day! Ooh…I would give give my bread ‘bird’ to people who tail-gate me on the road, to my MIL on a bad day (only in my dreams as I’m too well-mannered) and to my boss when she says, ‘sorry to have to do this but you’re the only person around and this thing has come through and it’s urgent’. Oh and I love your vampy black nails and bangle!
I love this too much to give it to someone I didn’t like! I’d share it with some friendly verbal jousting between close friends only!
Oh Lorraine you are the best, this bread is awesome. I need to keep one in my bag, I think!
Honestly, this post is a scream!
I can think of quite a few people to make this bread for, because I am too much of a lady to do it for real! But I can get away with this, and only the two of us will know!
He, he… I should make this bread for couple of people!
this is hilarious. although i’d never give something on which i worked so hard to someone i didn’t like, it’d be a great gag gift for a friend. i love it.
LOL! Such a cool shape! I’d love to make it for a few people I know
Hahahaha this really made me laugh. Such a BRILLIANT idea! Showing emotions through baking, now that’s something. I love it!
I love this. Personally I would love to make this and hand it to quite a few people.
I also agree, that they wouldn’t deserve the bread either.
Either way, love it love it love it.
haha I love it!! particularly those fingernails. i think I could make this and bring it in for nearly everyone at my work!!
Oh great, something to cook for my monster-in-law…
way too funny!! I have to bake these, perfect for those petty arguments with your partner!!
You crack me up, Lorraine! Funniest food I’ve seen in a long time
.
Love your work!
This is awesome!
Hahahah imagine cooking for someone you hate – I’ve never done so, but do have difficulty cooking for picky eaters.
I think bakeries should have some of these on hand to give to rude customers.
They ask RUDELY for a lemon tart, speak on their mobile through the transaction, speak down to the sales assistant etc, and then you slip in a flip the bird bread with their tart.
hahaha…too funny!
Lorraine – you rock! I had to do a double take at first, thinking I was seeing things lol That said..what annoys me, in relation to cooking and kitchen situations..are people who ‘expect’ you to always cook for them and rarely, if ever, say thank you. It’s not like I need or look for a ‘thank you’, but if you act like I ‘should’ be doing this for you because I know how, then bleepin’ appreciate it a little! Phew, got that off my chest lol
That is ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS Lorraine! Love it! xxx
Ha ha! My aunt would love this. I’m sending it to her now!
Ah ha ha. I WISH i’d seen this post before making a birthday cake for someone I strongly dislike. This would have been much more fitting
Hahaha this is one of my favourite breads ever, and I really like bread.
I would like to present it to everyone on the bus who keeps their bag on the seat next to them when there are people standing
HAHAHAHAHA
A big middle finger in your face! Love it! I know I’m going to need tons of flour and baking powder… LOL
The gift that keeps on giving? LOL you are too funny! And how in the world could mom think you got the bread in this shape – fingernails and all – by accident. Now, the question is – if you really hate this person can you slip something hard into the bread? Ooops…
Thankyou everyone for your lovely comments!
Sarah, it could be anything but it’s usually for pretty bad behaviour. I wouldn’t do this to just anyone!
And yes with everyone that let me know what annoyed them about people, I have to agree. I sometimes want to ask people “Were you raised by wolves?”
LOL at everyone that thought it was a male appendage
I have some in the freezer to serve if I need to although one went to Mr NQN to photograph at his work
I have a dinner party coming up so I hope I don’t have to serve it but I will if I have to 
LOL you guys make me laugh with all of the situations where you’d want to serve 1 (or in Divina’s case a dozen!)
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