“It’s Amsterdam, I’m up for anything” P. Bella says to all of us. My first time in Amsterdam is a short and sweet one-four hours to be exact and I’m armed with a bunch of gals that are literally up for anything and a guide that is willing to show it to us.
“You want to visit the erotic museum?” our guide Anneke asks us after we request a visit to the red light district and the canals.
“Also poffertjes and food and space cakes!” I cry out. Don’t forget Dear Reader that Amsterdam has a famous red light district and the “tolerated” consumption of cannabis so just a little hint about what might be coming up.
Although I knew of Amsterdam’s reputation of legal substances, what I wasn’t prepared for was for exactly how pretty this small city is. Named after the Amstel River that they built a dam on, the city is a picturesque series of canals, cobblestones and bikes. Yes bikes, watch out for those and they most definitely have the right of way.
They whizz past every left or right and beware any open mouthed tourists that may be gawking at the canals or the red light district girls. Take some time to look at the houses which learn charmingly and Anneke shows us the gable tiles. In the 15th century, houses didn’t have numbers so to identify a house or a place, you would use a descriptive gable tile to show people what you did for a living.
Examples of gable tiles
The 100kms of Amsterdam’s UNESCO World Heritage listed canals were hand dug from the 15th to the 17th century and are 9 feet deep. “They say that they’re 3 feet of sand, 3 feet of water and 3 feet of bikes” Anneke says. Indeed, dredging the canals yields thousands of discarded bikes -the locks are often more expensive than the bikes themselves.
The most prestigious canal is the Gentleman’s Canal where the rents are sky high for the magnificent buildings. This building shows an entrance at the bottom which is where kitchen deliveries would take place whilst the upstairs entrance is the main one.
We walk through the cobblestoned streets and try poffertjes which are small, floury tiny bite sized pancakes blanketed thickly with icing sugar. These are served with a pat of butter that you can melt against the hot poffertjes. Our quest for the very popular herring fish proves fruitless as all stalls are closed for the Monday.
Anneke shows us how to eat a herring-grab it by the tail and eat!
Kalve Street is the main shopping street in Amsterdam and has many of the usual high street stores. On Mondays they open later at 1pm as they are open on Sunday afternoon but they normally open at 9am.
Anneke shows us some of Amsterdam’s hidden secrets. One is the church hidden behind this door. The church is called “the parrot” and a parrot figurine sits suspended from the ceiling. This was formerly a home that became a secret or hidden church for a time when the Catholic religion wasn’t allowed to be practiced.
The parrot figurine
Behind this door lies a courtyard with buildings that were originally built for the Beguines religious women. Nowadays people live here in the buildings and within this enclosed court lies the oldest wooden house in Amsterdam.
The oldest wooden house in Amsterdam
The city is known for their flower market, especially for their tulips and cannabis plants. Alongside the flower markets are some cheese shops, all invite tastings of their Gouda and Edam cheese, many with flavours added to them. The cheeses were nice enough but the mustards caught my eye, particularly the dill mustard and the pretty blue and white tins of stroopwaffels which have a lovely sweet caramel layer between the thin cross hatched waffles.
That brings us to the next subject, cannabis which is “tolerated” but still illegal here. Each person is allowed to grow a maximum of 10 cannabis plants. Everyone over 18 years old can buy 5 grams of marijuana each and the best way to find a certified “coffee shop” is by looking for the sign (see below). There are 200 licensed coffee shops and we visit “The Jolly Joker” where you can buy a marijuana cigarette or a “space cake muffin” for €5.
There is a choice of vanilla space cake muffin which contains 0.3 grams of Moroccan hash or a chocolate space cake muffin that contains 0.3 grams of “White Widow” hash.
Space cakes
The woman behind the counter explains that when you smoke cannabis, the effect goes straight to your bloodstream but when you eat it, it goes through your stomach and only starts to work once you start to digest it which can take about 30-40 minutes.
The sign to look out for
That brings us to the red light district, one of the things that Amsterdam is most well known for. No photos are permitted in the area and even carrying a camera outside of its bag may turn a seductive look into a sharp one accompanied with a rap on the glass and an angry “no photo!” All of the girls stand in the doorways of shopfronts that have maroon velvet curtains. All are spray tanned and wear bikinis or lingerie. We watch as a single man negotiates with one while a couple negotiates with another in the room alongside. Another street exclusively shows transvestites in various stages of transition.
“That banana place is a terrible place” Anneke says. “Why is that?” I ask. “Well they do terrible things with bananas!” she exclaims horrified before adding “Do I need to explain?” Haha no thanks, I think I get it…
Another stop is the Erotica museum. Entry for €7 will get you access to the four floors of various displays. Much of it is art related from vintage erotica and the collection is relatively small I don’t know if it is that worth it unless you particularly like vintage erotica although I suppose the opportunities for posing with a giant 6 foot tall penis is something you might be after.
I was more fascinated by the condom machine which dispenses a range of condoms in infeasibly odd and impractical shapes. The condom that you may want may not be the one that you get as the condom dispensed cannot be seen from the display as it sits underneath the glass front but guess which one I got? Yes a koala mother and baby one!
Or a condomerie
Dutch or barrel street organ
Other symbols that are prominent throughout the city are the three Saint Andrew’s crosses-each representing the three enemies: water, fire and black plague. This former prison became a swimming pool and is now a shopping centre.
Three Saint Andrew’s crosses
After a whirlwind tour in which we feel like we want to come back here and see more, we head for lunch at Amsterdam’s Bridge restaurant located in the The Grand hotel which is part of the Sofitel Legends hotels. Sofitel Legends hotels are the very top of the Sofitel chain and there are only two in the world. Each one must have a story to tell and present exceptional service and details in order to qualify. This hotel’s claim to fame is that Queen Beatrix married here in 1966.
The restaurant has an indoor and outdoor area and given that it is beautifully warm today, we are eating outside alongside the rhododendron flowers and their own beautiful orange tulip. The restaurant is decorated in vivid shades of orange – it is an important colour for the Dutch as orange is the colour of the royal family. And it was the Dutch that bred the colour orange for the carrots in reverence for their royal family.
The menu is seafood focused and every night, their fishermen go out to fish and call the kitchen to let them know of their catch. By 10am the next morning, the fish is delivered from the night before. We start with the bread which is crunchy on the outside and soft and dense inside and served with both salted and unsalted butter.
Canape
The canape is presented beautifully and is salmon cubes with wasabi crust which is wonderful and not too hot with just enough wasabi to give it flavour. There is also a juicy, tender smoked mussel with herb oil and addictive lotus root chips.
Ceviche of red mullet
The appetiser is a simple but effective ceviche or red mullet, less lemony and tangy than other ceviches I’ve tried and it is paired with eggplant puree and thin fennel slices.
Tuna tartare with spicy mayonnaise and caviar
With a pretty presentation, the tuna tartare is served in a two tier dish, the bottom half with sand and sea and clam shells. The top layer has diced tuna which is served with dollops of spicy mayonnaise and spring onion. The tuna is beautifully creamy and the spicy mayonnaise and spring onion is the perfect complement.
Cod with white asparagus, Iberico ham, broad beans and beurre blanc
Our main was the cod, a catch from early that morning. It is beautifully and simply cooked and served with crispy Iberico ham, cherry tomatoes, broad beans and a beurre blanc sauce.
Petit fours
As we are sadly counting down our hours, there’s scarcely time for dessert but there are sweets in the form of petit fours. They were chocolate and coconut truffles on sticks, a moreish and moist red velvet cupcake with a dollop of frosting and a moist butterscotch square that I wasn’t quite as taken with as it didn’t taste very butterscotchy and was very sweet.
Our little pitstop in Amsterdam was heart-breakingly short and it is with reluctance that we drag ourselves to the train station to take the Thalys train trip to Paris, a three hour ride. The train station is connected to Schiphol airport and is easy to negotiate. The first class train carriage is quite full (alarmingly so as a mix up with the tickets means that our tickets are for the wrong day necessitating some seat jumping but they were very gracious with us interlopers). Drinks are served on the train and there is also internet after we leave Antwerp.
A meal is served during the final leg of the trip from Brussels to Paris and there is a choice of vegetarian or beef. I choose the rare roast beef with rice salad. The beef is actually quite nice although hard to eat on a fast moving train with the cutlery that we were given as slicing into the beef and leek with the blunt knife. The chocolate mousse cake is actually lovely and moreish and the cheese is a washed rind cheese with two almonds and a black grape. And there’s plenty of time to reflect on a fast and furious but fascinating time in Amsterdam…
So tell me Dear Reader, have you ever tried space cakes or would you if you visited Amsterdam (where it is legal)?
NQN traveled as a guest of Sofitel hotels, Skyteam & RailPlus
Iamsterdam Guides
www.iamsterdam.com
Bridges
Sofitel Legend The Grand, Oudezijds Voorburgwal 197, Amsterdam
020 5553560
http://www.sofitel.com/gb/hotel-2783-sofitel-legend-the-grand-amsterdam/index.shtml
Skyteam
www.skyteam.com
Rail Plus
www.railplus.com.au/
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51 Comments | Add your own
Amsterdam is such a pretty place. I was a bit alarmed when I read that you had the rare roast beef on the train – I would have thought rare meat on a train was quite a risky choice! Lovely post
I might try them, you just couldn’t tell me what they were.
I was in Amsterdam last year (such beautiful city…) and I came home with bags of Stroopwaffels and Gouda cheese… And then found out they sell stroopwaffels in the supermarket next to my house.
Lovely (and some amusing!
) photos!
I Love Amsterdam! I am Amsterdam! It is such a beautiful Dutch city which Peter & I absolutely love! It is the architecture, the great resatuarntas, the Dutch & warm atmosfere, etc! I also love the grachten! Thanks for your tour!
Your food dishes look fantastic too!
Love how the cheese shop stack their cheese, its all lined up so neatly and so cute!
My Archie wants to go to Amsterdam but I’m worried about his motives. What a pretty little city and you sure did take in a lot in the short time you were there. And so amazing how you can be in Holland one minute and then three hours later be in Paris. That’s just not the Australian way! xx
Lorraine, Lorraine, dear girl…you are finally in my neighbourhood and I completely missed it…well, I live about 80 minutes outside of Amsterdam, but by Dutch standards that’s practically in the same room. Aaaaahhhh…okay, you had a very short stay, but it’s nice to know you were briefly in the same country. Hopefully some time our paths will actually cross. As for the space cakes, I never tried them in Amsterdam the first time I visited a looooong time ago. I was a young miss and traveling alone, so I was being sensible. I haven’t actually tried them since then either – my Dutch boyfriend (now husband) raised an eyebrow when I suggested it the first time we visited Amsterdam together, some nine years after my first-ever visit, and said that space cakes were only for tourists (which in fact I was…). I haven’t been able to bring myself to try them since, even after living here for more than 4 years. Am sorry you didn’t get to taste herring, as it’s definitely worthwhile. Come back again, okay?
WOW
I’ve never visited Amsterdam but would love to and hahaha I’ll definitely try the space cakes if I was over there 
I think it’s important to try everything at least once in your life! But maybe not Haggis…I don’t think i could ever eat that 
I loveee poffertjes and actually bought the pan but have only used it once…oops my bad
You have described Amsterdam so beautifully, and in such a lucid manner that I feel I toured the city with you. Amsterdam is high on my ‘must visit’ city list.
Banana place….lol!
Loved the post.
Aaaah Amsterdam, my spiritual home! Lived there for a year with my dutch-born girlfriend (later to become my wife and mother of our two children)in 1985. Sex and drugs seem to to epitomize Amsterdam but for an inwoner (resident)it has a great deal more to offer than that. Shame about the haring (herring)it truly melts in the mouth-dutch sashimi!
What a beautiful place! And such wonderful food. I haven’t tried space cakes; not sure if I would even if I had the chance.
Wowsers, 4 hours! You got quite a lot done in that time… I remember “skipping” a school camp once with my best friend and catching a coach to Amsterdam for Queen’s Birthday. This was a cross-country adventure from Poland mind you. We were 15 so the most interesting foods we had were fries with mayo and applestroop waffles, no space cakes.
Would I try them now? Not sure…
Wow what a crazy city! Condomerie? Now that is something I’ve never heard of before.
We were strongly advised against trying the space cakes by our guide! But my partner did eat a pickled herring! I have a pic of him eating is exactly the way you said, as that how the posters with the pretty girls say you should eat it. He only made it half way through his herring. He said it tasted like raw fish with vinegar… but we still look back on the memory fondly!
My favourite foods in Amsterdam were the stoopwaffles and the hot chips with a mountain of mayonnaise… yummo!
Lorraine, this is one city to which you simply have to return! I have been on quite a number of occasions and love it, from the wonderful history, culture,music and art to the ‘necessary’ [ :! !] canal trip, most wonderful restaurants [some of the best Indonesian food I have ever had!] and fantastic markets! Have had many a nightime trip to the Red Light District: huge fun, tho’ as a woman always tried to keep a v low profile – I mean if I was holding onto my husband’s arm, he was not going to make an offer
? There used to be some cinemas of a certain kind: well there I sent darling husband alone – did not think I would be appreciated!!! Space cookies: life is far too much fun to blot clarity with drugs [other than a good glass of wine!]. Thanks a mint!!
~~When I think of Amsterdam, my first thought SEX & SIN…
Who would have thought they’d offer such lush Petit fours! WOW
FAaaaaBulous.
When I grow up, I think I want to be LORRAINE! Xxxx
WHAT Happened to my doggone comment?!!!!!!!!!!
WOW! you experienced all of that in 4 hours! TRUE!
So much in so little time too!
Presented an over snippet of Amsterdam foods, coffee and way of life!
Glad you managed re the space cakes to stay out of strife!
Amazing place to visit. And yes, I will try space muffins just because I’m in Amsterdam!
Lorraine: DO hope you don’t mind again: I grew too ‘lyrical’ re beloved Amsterdam and forgot : -
!!!
@ all in Australia able to access the wonderful SBS TV station – are you aware ‘food porn night’ is on again Thursdays? Two hours, three programmes beginning 7.30 pm EST: tonight ‘Gourmet Farmer’, ‘Destination Flavour’ and the delightful ‘Two Greedy Italians’!!
This post definitely captured Amsterdam! My sister and her family lives there and I’ve visited many times!
To me, poffertjes are only poffertjes if served at a music or food festival on a paper plate with toothpicks for the eating. Stupid Amsterdam.
Wow! You really squeezed alot into your time in Amsterdam, the photographs are awesome and the food looks divine. My husband and I were there for a few days last year and loved every minute, we didn’t try the herrings but indulged in the Frites with Mayo which were perfect for a cold and wet Spring day
I love the canals at Amsterdam and also all the tulips! When I was there, the cyclists were all slightly mad and we had to watch where we were walking or else there might be a crash!
We loved Amsterdam, but we didn’t try the cakes.
We are planning a barge trip to Amsterdam so this post will come in use when we go! I had to look twice at some of the photos LOL
I love how Amsterdam is a mad, fun juxtaposition of the sacred and the profane, the old and the new, and the staid with the totally off-the-wall! All the snapshots were lovely and your trip sounds totally fun!
Leuke (lovely) post. Fabulous photos. I do love poffertjes and stroopwaffles !
Amsterdam looks so quaint!
Rumour has it that the best Indonesian food actually comes from Amsterdam and not Indonesia… need to test that claim out one day!
You sure squeezed in a lot in such a short time Lorraine! Such a pretty place- with a bit of a grimy side
I’m not convinced about space cakes, I have more than enough legal drugs in my system to try and add in an iffy one
Oh I love Amsterdam, I haven’t been for years, I have to say that the food seem to have improved
.
Hi Theresa-you know I never really thought about it being alarming but I guess you’re right!
Thank you 
Hi Alex-They really just looked like regular muffins!
Ooh yes I bought from stroopwaffels-they are delicious! 
Hehe oh really? I wonder if they sell them at my supermarket 
Hi Laura-Hehe thank you Laura!
Hi Sophie-Isn’t it pretty? I loved it too
You’re very welcome Sophie! 
Hi Shansham-It sure is! They love their cheese
Hi Charlie-Haha oh yes you should be I think!
I know, we did so much in that four hours! Yes, it’s quite remarkable and lovely! x
Hi Anne-Hopefully next time! I really want to go back and four hours is just too short for such a gorgeous city
Oh really? So locals don’t try the space cakes? That’s interesting! I was very upset about the herring-even the staff at The Grand tried to track some down to no avail. Next time! I really want to go back 
Hi Daisy-Yes that’s very true!
Hehe well I’ve tried haggis-it’s actually perfectly pleasant and nowhere near as scary as you might think 
Hi Minnie-THanks Minnie, you are too kind!
Hehe I will never look at a banana in the same way 
Hi Ian-I wish I had gotten to try the herring, what were the chances that all the herring places were closed
Hi Cakelaw-It was such a pretty city and I’m just itching to go back
Hi Martyna-I know, we were ready to plough through it all and oddly enough, having the limited time made it quite exciting!
Hehe I don’t imagine many school kids get to try them! Imagine! 
Hi Claire-I know, I’ve never seen one before either
Hi Dimity-Hehe isn’t that funny!
Oh interesting, I really wish I had tried a herring! I don’t mind them when you buy them in jars 
Mmm hot chips and mayo-the best!
Hi Eha-I agree!
Oh yes I can imagine that I could spend a long time there 
Hehe well that’s a very interesting take on space cakes-I must say that I also do like seeing things clearly which is why I don’t drink much too 
Hi Kim-Hehe I think lots of people do too when they first think of it
Hehe you are too sweet darling xxx
Hi Joanne-I know! I look back on that and wonder how we did it all
Hi Penny-Hehe good for you! And yes why not indeed!
Hi Eha-Oh thanks for the reminder, I’ll try and catch them tonight
Hi Kiran-Thanks so much Kiran, that’s such a lovely compliment!
Hi Hannah-Haha oh really?
Hi Sam-We sure did. The whole RTW trip was like that
Thank you so much! I clean forgot about fries and mayo (which I love).
Hi Baby Sumo-Oh yes they definitely have right of way and I almost got run over so many times while taking photos!
Hi Debra-Hehe I wonder what percentage of tourists do?
Hi Tandy-Oh how fun! When are you going?
Haha!
Hi Midge-You summed it up so well Midge! It’s an intriguing city because of that
Hi Renata-Why thank you! And that’s a new word for me today!
Hi Libby-It’s very pretty
Oh I have heard that! If only we had longer than four hours 
Hi Rebecca-We sure did! It was dizzying but fun
Haha fair enough 
Hi Alessandra-Yes the food we had was really delicious!
We spent Easter in Amsterdam last year and I loved it. The floating flower market was one of my favoirite spots, and I bought a couple of dozen tulip bulbs back to London which I planted in our (now former) house – red, purple and ‘black’ ones.
Space Cakes – they really should be renamed Spaces(out) Cakes. Yes I tried them. Then I tried them again twice just to be sure *snigger*. They took about an hour to kick in and made for some interesting wanderings/mutterings/siteseeing on the ceiling of my hotel room!
I also picked up a great cookbook – Cooking with Cannabis – purely for anthropoligical reasons!
Wow Lorraine! Brilliant post. You certainly packed a lot into 4 hours! I didn’t try space cakes when i visited Amsterdam way back in 1987 as a wide-eyed newlywed…but I DID have my camera taken by a drug dealer who I inadvertedly snapped in a lovely shot with an old man and a bicycle….thus bringing my “career” in photo journalism to an abrupt halt! Fortunately my husband bravely asked for the camera back and the drug dealer said “don’t cry, little lady…have some hash to make you feel better!” I think I was too young and innocent to really appreciate Amsterdam then! Would love to go back NOW
I love Amsterdam although for some odd reason my husband was less enthralled. Maybe because we had first spent a few days in Haarlem which is stunning and tiny. But I sooo want to return to Amsterdam! It is beautiful. When we visited we never went to either the red light district or the hashish shops/bars. Not really curious (maybe morbid fascination?) but you don’t say if you ate a cupcake or not
The restaurant food looks fabulous!
Ahem, very speedy and colourful trip through Amsterdam Lorraine. The Banana place is a bit of a ….?!#
Space cakes I’ve never tried and probably never will. I like to be very lucid when I’m indulging in delicious food, hehehe so I can remember it!
Love all the offerings on the menu at the Grand Hotel and would gladly scoff the lot!
Might see you at masterchef Live tomorrow if you’re going.
Ahhh. *sigh* My favourite city in the world. I was born in Holland (now live in Melbourne), and just scrolling through your fab photos gives me the sniffles.
I have visited Amsterdam twice and never tried the space cakes or canabis in any other form. I didn’t even go to the red light district (not even remotely curious about this sort of thing).
I loved your write up and you are indeed a great travel/food writer.
Great pictures! I really like Amsterdam;lived there for a short while and have been there so many times.
I would LOVE to visit Amsterdam!! I have still never been, after all my travels! Hard to believe. Those poffertjes looks crazy good. Loved this post
Spice cakes do sound delicious…
Heidi xo
My brother-in-law just went there. He said he felt high just from walking around and getting whiffs of the residual pot in the air. And he’s a retired cop! Too funny.
Haven’t been to Amsterdam in so long, but it looks like many things haven’t changed
Love your review of the Red Light District–very amusing.
oh that brings back some memories – I have had a couple of trips (no pun intended) to amsterdam – I had travel fatigue the first time and loved it the second – would go back if I got the chance. I think stroopwaffles are among my favourite foods and just walked by the canals was so wonderful
OmG – Amsterdam! That takes me back some time – From my hometown in Germany to Amsterdam is only a ‘short’ (fast) car drive to this incredible city. For me the most wonderful food there was a famous restaurant’s Rijstafel (Reistafel). Were you able to go??
That’s quite a tour for 4 hours! Not so sure about the space cakes – could be a little unnerving in a foreign country to be out of it!
I love this post! I’m surprised to see how much you got thru in so little time, I suppose a guide definitely helps! I love the condom vending machine hahaha
I’d like to suggest a correction for this entry. A transvestite is someone who wears clothing associated with a gender other than the gender they identify as. What you seem to be referencing is transsexuality or being transgender; having a gender assigned at birth that does not match or correspond to your actual gender identification.
What a beautiful city. What were the chances you would get a Koala
Also loving the canape serving glasses.
Ahh so nice to see that you’ve visited my place of birth. I have not been back for atleast 20 years sadly but plan to be there this time next year for my honeymoon with the kids in tow.
Thank you for giving a quick insight into the streets of Amsterdam. I must remember not to go in search of herring on a Monday then – I love it, much to my partners disgust!
If you get Stroopwafels from Australia – the imported ones, I highly recommend popping them in the microwave for 10 seconds as the caramel syrup goes soft and gooey but watch out you will gobble the whole packet this way!
I look forward to cheese tasting as I was born to eat cheese, and mayonnaise. I love frites and mayonnaise from Holland. I have a crazy fetish – If you want to call it that – with mayonnaise.. I even do my own version of the ‘Tim Tam Slam’ but instead of sucking coffee through the biccie I suck Mayo through it – if the Tim Tam is soft enough. Sorry
Unfortunately I will not be trying a space cake on my next visit to Amsterdam as I had an experience with a ‘special’ laced cookie in my mid twenties and it took me a good week to recover. I would like to remember my holiday i think and I also will have my kids in tow and that would not be very responsible of me now would it!
Some sites I defintely recommend seeing are; Anne Frank House, Torture Museum, Rotterdam Zoo – i think, Madurodam, The Efteling. Lorraine I hope you get the opportunity to go back and experience more of Holland next time – it really is worthwhile.
Thanks so much Eva! I really hope that I get to go back there. Four hours isn’t long enough for such a beautiful city! And thank you for the recommendations too!
Hi Lorraine. Sorry I haven’t commented on your blog for a while,(not been well), but I have to comment now as Amsterdam is my parents home town. We spent a lovely holiday there this January in Trompenburgstraat (that’s the street name!) and I ate all the things I have been missing like herring and kroket and ertensoup (pea and ham soup) etc. I have to agree with you on the prettiness of Amsterdam. One of my favorite things to do was go for a walk in the evenings and see all the families sitting in the kitchens cooking and eating with all the curtains wide open so that people can actually look inside a warm cosy home. Its a very dutch thing!
PS thanks for making me totally homesick……. 
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