So there I was watching Mr NQN play with his new phone for Christmas. In fact over the last couple of weeks, if I glanced at him, he was firmly attached to his second best friend and finding new ways to interact with it. His latest thing was the the sleeping app which monitors his sleep and wakes him up at the best time. He asked me what sound he should wake up to. I channelled his alternative parents and answered,
“The sound of whales making love of course! I can help you record it!” I said excitedly.
I must tell you now Dearest Darlingest Reader, I have no idea what the sound of whales mating sounds like…
But that didn’t stop me from helping him record what I later realised was actual a pretty bizarre imitation of what whales might sound like while they were doing the deed. I mustered up all the energy I had, he pressed record and we got one and a half minutes of me laughing so raucously that I thought I might bring down the walls in between bouts of loud whale bellowing from the deepest of my diaphragm. It sounded more like a very hurt and enormous elephant seal bellowing out “Stelllllaaaaaa” from the inner core of their being – either that or one being simultaneously stabbed and tickled. I may have even snorted with laughter. And halfway through I realised that he could actually use this as really good evidence to institutionalise me. Which made me laugh and moan even louder as well as starting the hiccups.
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| January 9th, 2012 by Not Quite Nigella
Over the Christmas period, I wrote on my personal facebook page that I was making four cakes over a five day period. Not an unnatural state of affairs for me admittedly, but one in which I nevertheless found myself up to my elbows in cake. The cakes were mostly to bring to friend’s or family’s houses. To me baking cakes is therapeutic and like second nature and I love creating sweet objects that will be consumed by appreciative mouths.
Every year Mr NQN tries to get me to learn something new that opposes my predilection for known second nature activities. To the point where I feel like I’m a pet project for him. This year I promised to learn how to ride a bike. Last year it was to learn how to drive. After much resource bargaining (in which he promised to do something that he considered boring for a day in exchange for me taking bike riding lessons from him), we finally arrived at a date in which we had little to do and the weather was good.
I told him the rules, I had had a vastly unhappy experience learning how to ride a bike with an ex boyfriend. He had taken me to a dark concrete car park and I climbed on his enormous bike and two minutes into the “lesson” I sported a huge scrape on my chin (the scar still remains) and grazes on my arms and legs. Yep dark corners and concrete car parks and bikes where your feet can’t touch the ground are not the best way to learn how to ride a bike. So I told Mr NQN that I had to be able to touch the ground with my feet and he agreed.
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| January 3rd, 2012 by Not Quite Nigella
I was sure I had a bit of PTCD-that is Post Traumatic Christmas Disorder.
“You know what problem you have?” Mr NQN yelled from the comfort of the couch. He was playing with his new toy, a new phone that he got for Christmas-his new second best friend. I braced myself. I thought Uh oh, what is he going to bring up now?
“You have trouble doing nothing,” he said giving me a look of exasperation.
I looked at myself. I was in the bathroom scrubbing clean the new pram I had bought for myself. I had spotted it in a vintage store in Darlinghurst en route to a shoot. The producer Matt kindly stopped the car and I got out and purchased it. It was a genuine vintage pram from the 1920′s and I carefully carried it back to his car excited that at last, I had a vehicle for my wolf baby.
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| December 28th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
Over the years Mr NQN has had to get used to me. When we first started dating he used to say “Do you have to get so dressed up?”. He is a country boy after all and there were mutterings of overdressing and I suspect too much makeup (although he was smart enough not to comment on that). There was the singing in public, the fact that I liked biting him because I thought he seemed tasty, the way that I’d enjoy my food a bit too much, the odd food that I’d make and the other strange things that I did that embarrassed him. Until one day he actually said to me
“Oh I like the way you used to dress”
This was of course after I had dressed more casually to try and not embarrass him. I looked at him and I smiled. Did he actually like me being me? Did I no longer embarrass him? Success! I had indoctrinated him into my world and he seemed to like it there (and a good thing because I don’t like having to do things any way but my own). Now he is used to shopping adventures where we travel to buy a good free range ham. He is used to buying bottles of root beer and pouring them over said ham. He is used to me inviting people over for food (he is naturally very shy and inviting people over just would not occur to him).
And speaking of that ham, this Christmas we were seeing our families as we planned a small family dinner combining my family with Mr NQN’s. His family were all over the place (their natural state of affairs being chaos), and trying to find a date that suited everyone meant that Christmas was going to be on December 26th. I had to point out that December 26th was no longer technically Christmas so I invited whoever could come over to our place on December 24th for dinner. Christmas Eve is when the Finnish celebrate Christmas and this is when my family celebrates Christmas because quite honestly my sister and I couldn’t wait another night to open our presents and our parents just relented and it became tradition.
Aura Lily
Well it turns out that all of the family members could make it on December 24th after all (I guess it was that annual tradition of herding cats preceding Festivus that the Elliotts seem to delight in!). And suddenly our small family celebration burst out to a table for thirteen…around our table that seats 8! But not to worry, we had plenty of food. My ham was a 5 kilo beast-modest enough and covered in a crunchy, moreish breadcrumb crust and then basted in a flavoursome root beer caramel. I had made this many years ago before the blog and before Mr NQN and was so besotted by it that I vowed to make it again when I had a lot of mouths to feed. The ham is easy enough to do and just requires a basting every 30 minutes and then a coating of a breadcrumb crust. It is then baked and basted to glistening perfection before being sliced up with some of the breadcrumb mixture and the sweet, fragrant caramelised syrup.
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| December 25th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
I only realise how strange some things that I do are when I get strange looks from Mr NQN-and he himself had an oddball upbringing. Case in point, I was talking to Mr NQN and a friend.
“Well, you know like when you used to put freezer bags on your feet as a kid and try to pretend to go ice skating across the carpet in your bedroom…”
I looked up and they looked at each other heads and eyebrows cocked as in “Who’s the crazy over there?”. Well apparently they swore black and blue that they had never done that. Surely I can’t be the only one that did that can I? But apparently I was. I admit to a mild obsession with snow and ice, only really because we had none. Icebergs, snow and ice skating were all things that lucky kids got to see and do-never mind the fact that I hated the cold. But cold from a distance seemed much more appealing.
Are you as excited slash exhausted as I am that Christmas is coming up any day now? Or are you one of those fortunate ones that have pre-planned everything and for whom Christmas will be a breeze? Well this cake might be for those of you in both camps. Because while it looks terribly complicated, it is one of the best cakes to try for an introduction to cake making or if you are thinking to progress to making a round or square wedding or birthday cake.
The reason why is because a round or square cake needs to be absolutely level in all respects (using a spirit level is not uncommon). However, the iceberg is meant to look angular and you can actually never go wrong with any shape that you make for an iceberg. As Margie Carter points out, no two icebergs look like!
And she should know-she is the original co founder of Planet Cake (along with the fabulous Faye Cahill) and features in their current television series. She sold the business on to Paris Cutler who now owns Planet Cake. Margie now teaches at Whimsical Cakehouse which is also co-owned by former Planet Cake teacher Linda Harden. Phew, did you get that? Basically, that just means that they’re cake mad much like all of the other students at the class-I mean I thought I was a cake enthusiast but these people know everything about cakes. Thankfully they don’t make me feel silly if I don’t know as much as they do and are happy to share their knowledge.
One Saturday morning I made my way to Whimsical Cakehouse’s location in picturesque Dolan’s Bay. Set in a residential area with the waterfront as a sparkly background there are a maximum of eight students per class. Apart from their regular teachers they also bring out decorating superstars like Peggy Porschen, Kaysie Lackey, Jacqueline Butler and Debbie Brown who are coming out next year and who will teach students their secrets. Everything is provided including aprons and today we will learn how to construct an iceberg, ganache it and then place fondant on it and then use gum paste to create the adorable figurines-and I had no idea how I was going to make one of those penguins but they ended up being quite straightforward. Margie is instructing the class while Linda facilitates it or is the “kitchen fairy.”
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| December 6th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
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