I was standing over Mr NQN trying to organise his joint birthday party with his brother. And like a smaller version of my organisational hero Franck Eggelhoffer I was directing. As usual. I had done my research and I was keen to try a new vegetarian restaurant and I thought it would be perfect to go there for the combined birthday celebration-one where vegetarians, vegans, carnivores and just plain regular people would come.
“SMS your brother that I found a vegetarian restaurant. It will be about $30 a person and should keep the vegetarians and vegans happy as well as the meat eaters as they do all sorts of things with mock meat. It’s also central enough for everyone. Also they don’t mind us bringing a cake” I told him.
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| August 16th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
The other day I tweeted “Busy making Mr NQN’s birthday cake…I tried to make it masculine but I keep going towards flowers and pink :S”
It was true. Try as I might I was driving down a slippery road lined with cake and veering towards pink icing and flowers despite trying to steer myself towards butch and masculine cake colours. Allow me to rewind.
“What kind of cake do you want for your birthday this year?” I asked Mr NQN a few weeks ago.
“Hmm” he said stroking his chin thoughtfully. Then a mischievous look crossed his face and he said “How about that apple cake layer thing?”.
I knew the cake that he meant. It was the thousand layered apple cake that required the painstaking layering of hundreds of paper thin slice of apple. It gave me PTSD and that took hours and that I never wanted to make again.
“Sorry but no” I said firmly.
“OK well anything apart from a handbag cake then” he said grimacing at the memory. Yes the handbag cake had become somewhat of a notorious birthday cake. I had just gone to a Planet Cake cake decorating class and spent a day decorating a cake and I just wasn’t up to the task of doing another for his birthday. In my defence, it was blue…but yes, it was a handbag too.
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| August 8th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
Many of my friends are older than me and I have always had older friends. I consider them much wiser than me and yet they all have one thing in common. They’re young at heart and you can talk to them about anything, including silly things. One of my longest standing friends, for almost 20 years is Queen Viv. Whilst she can talk knowledgeably about pop art, rare plants, brain disorders, the mechanics of cars and historical figures, she can also talk about silly things.
We were having a conversation and she was telling us about her neighbour’s very dumb but very handsome cat called Kevin that used to come and visit her cat. It was for all descriptive purposes, the Jason Stackhouse of cats and used to squeeze itself through a tiny vent only realising months later that there was cat flap door right next to it. Which brought up a few key questions:
Why aren’t more cats called Kevin?
And then the conversation turned…
When did mooning people in cars go out of fashion?
Why is the word moist sooo creepy?
And speaking of creepy, is it just us or are those little kid costumes with the built in muscles just odd?
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| July 26th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
When I first started dating Mr NQN his mother Tuulikki lived in Coffs Harbour. She would ring him frequently worried that her eldest son was living far away from her in Sydney and seeing a girl she had not met. He was notorious for being a poor communicator with her and she was the kind of personality that couldn’t quite understand that her son didn’t want to be interrogated about his new girlfriend. So she kept prodding and talking and asking questions about me and he would offer up one word tight-lipped tidbits like “Yep” or “No” to her innumerable questions. I would listen and wonder how a person could talk to so much without taking breath once.
Her standard greeting when calling was “Hello? So anyway…” and out would tumble an entire week’s worth of conversation and questions. This would prompt the very strong and silent Mr NQN to fasten his bottom lip to his top and keep quiet. I even witnessed a conversation where he put down the phone on the table, got himself a drink, drank it, flicked through some mail and picked it back up minutes later only to have her still talking having not missed a beat nor noticed.
As he was stonewalling her for information, she sought information out different ways. She wanted my star sign and time of birth so that she could construct an astrological chart for us so that she could see the potential for our relationship. She hounded him for days for this information and he finally capitulated with the correct date but the wrong time as we didn’t know it.
Shortly later she sent through a chart for both of us detailing out future together as told by the starsigns. And if anyone should ever dip their toe in the Elliott family no matter how casually or hesitatingly, you can be sure that she will ask for your birth date and time. Cue Mr NQN and his brother who will then make jokes and snicker about “looking for Uranus” (boys!). Although I don’t quite believe that you can have a horoscope that fits one twelfth of the population there is no denying that I do befit the characteristics of Taurus.
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| July 13th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
Ahhh June 2011. It was supposed to be the month when my book was published. I know postponing the book’s release date to April 2012 to include a chapter where I got to interview the Domestic Goddess herself Nigella was the best thing for the book. However I am notoriously impatient. When Mr NQN was asked to give five words to describe me impatient featured twice. Unamused should have followed shortly afterwards! 
Still, knowing that it is a better and more complete book because of my meeting with Ms Lawson doesn’t make it any easier to stay behind the start line but I know a book isn’t like a blog where you can add another chapter or story. Once it is printed it is printed. One thing that the extra time has allowed me to do is test the recipes at leisure. Whilst the book is a memoir and not a cookbook, there are a dozen or so recipes that feature at the end of certain chapters where they fit into the story.
In the editing process a few chapters were edited out. These chapter were about how my book deal came about and my publisher felt that they took the reader outside of the book that they were holding. I initially included them as I thought that people might be interested in how the book deal came about as it took quite an interesting path and it was nothing and I mean nothing like how I thought book deals happen. I remember reading Stephenie Meyer’s blog about how her book deal came about and it was very different to mine and many others. I also feel everyone has a book inside them and some readers, blogger or not, are hoping to become published. My publisher Miss K. suggested putting the chapters on the blog which I thought was a great idea and I shall do closer to the release date if anyone is interested.
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| June 27th, 2011 by Not Quite Nigella
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