I know that most children have imaginary friends. I don’t know what it says about me that I didn’t. I will admit to imaginary neighbours but not so much friends. My imaginary neighbours were mischievous and not the sort of creatures that I wanted to be friends with. My imaginary neighbours were gnomes.

As a child that was never allowed dessert (oh how that has come 180 degrees since to an adult that cannot go without!), I was often found in the garden making chocolate mud cake using mud from the garden. I had a round yellow watering can and I would sit in the garden with a shovel and a watering can and I got it in my head that this delicious concoction would be assembled through shovelling wet mud into this watering can which was my baking tin.

My mother with her colourful rose garden would never allow gnomes in the garden but everyone else had them and instead, I imagined their gnomes, these strange little men, not that far off my size would go from garden to garden only freezing in place when someone said “Simon says stop!”. They were so quick that I would only see them in the corner of my eye as they were fleeing.

Then one day, my shovel unearthed something that I didn’t want to find: the fattest, most squirming caterpillar. Apart from ladybirds, I was not fond of insects and other creatures of the same ilk. I dropped my shovel, and ran away as fast as my chubby little legs would carry me away from it. The chocolate mud pie was abandoned, the can was turned over and the mud slowly oozed out onto the driveway. And as I ran away, I felt as though there were gnomes behind me and I couldn’t help but look back to see if I could see them in their secret game of Simon Says. I was convinced that there were six running after me shouting “Run, Lorraine run! It’s coming for you!”

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Dear Reader, it’s that most wonderful time of the year. No, not Christmas, which is all very well and jolly but the favourite holiday for ghouls, ghosts and goblins! Where I get to indulge my scary, dark side and instead of making things that are pretty, I strive for ghoulishly ugly!

This year, I almost had a self induced nervous breakdown when I decided to make Hogwarts Castle in gingerbread. While assembling it, I rang Mr NQN and literally could not string together a sentence. He answered the phone and there was a few seconds of silence before I stammered out “hebeller…nana…ahhhhh.” He wasn’t too concerned, I do this kind of thing probably more often that is normal but when he asked “are you ok?” I mumbled “alright…” and then hung up.

After a cup of tea and some chocolate, I surveyed my to make list for the event which we held this past Saturday night in our apartment that Mr NQN keeps telling me fits fewer people than I had invited. I decided to do easy to prepare things, as a way to avoid another breakdown and I promise you – witchy swear in fact, that everything on this story is easy with a couple easy to medium level with a little bit of low level crafting. All designed in order to lower stress. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t spooktacular by any means, but if I can find a way to make things easier, I will.

As always, we got our decorations from fellow Hallowe’en lovers, The Party People (where else will you find a moving, talking marble bust?) and put up my favourite Hallowe’en mascots-the wall of flying bats who look over our Halloween parties every year. We donned our costumes-I as Morticia Addams and Mr NQN as Count Von Finlandia and let us welcome you into our Hallowe’en party! And scroll down to the bottom to see my ghoulish guests!

Morticia Addams here, I don’t often eat much as I have to slip into a slinky black dress every day but this coffin dip is just the ticket if you are wanting a healthy dip. Pugsley doesn’t like to eat it unless I tell him that it isn’t in fact peas, but slime. And I think this little skeleton was the belle of the ball. He looks like he is having a great time but wouldn’t you if you had escaped your coffin?

Someone once said two heads were better than one. How about half a dozen shrunken heads instead? Even better! These little heads were the perfect accessory for my hot mulled apple rum toddy. And as Morticia, I can tend to be be as pushy as Lorraine and suggest that if you make one thing this Hallowe’en, it’s this! Just use the best of everything you can find darlings…

When I was preparing a cauliflower one day, it struck me how brain like it was. I had all intentions to make two of these but when I got home and realised that one of the cauliflowers that I had picked up at the market had bugs through it all, I thought that I had better throw that out. I mean faux bugs are fine but people tend to label you weird if you serve them actual bugs.

Sometimes you do something and it grosses people out a bit too much. Well apparently Freddy’s glove scared a few people and they didn’t know that underneath it all was just a meatloaf. It’s harmless-just like me!

She doesn’t look happy that everyone is whispering behind her back. What she doesn’t know is that they’re trying to figure out how to nab a Voodoo Doll cookie without madam noticing! Oh btw this is Morticia Senior.

I bought a jar of these little bockwurst sausages a few months before and kept them on my desk for the entire time. Looking at them made me smile – no, don’t be naughty! They made me smile because they reminded me that Halloween was coming up!

Have you ever wondered where spiders come from? From ginormous eggs! Well, only if they are those giant mutant spiders….

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It was 10.55am on a Sunday morning. It was raining heavily and our laundry enjoying it’s third day of rinsing on the line. My friend Lulu, her husband and her girls Audrey and Evie were on their way and I was still sitting in my pyjamas and bathrobe doing work.

“They’ll be here in 5 minutes” Mr NQN warned me.

I surveyed my look in the mirror and said, hopefully, “I think I look okay like this”

Mr NQN gave me a look. “Well, if you say so…” He then added quietly “I wouldn’t have thought you’d think that though” before clearing his throat.

“I’ll distract them with these cupcakes!” I offered.

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