I’m a firm believer in magic. Truly honestly I am and it’s the kind of thinking that makes my very scientific and logical husband just despair and roll his eyes with a tight, tolerant smile (think the same smile one gives to a potentially violent mental patient). So when I see an item on the cafe menu that says “Magic $3.50″ I point at the item in question and say to him “Look! I told you there was magic!”

We’re sitting at Joe Black which is a place near where Mr NQN works.  When I want Mr NQN to do something I go about it the wrong way. I do a version of a child tugging at their parent’s pants or skirt and repeat requests a lot. When Mr NQN wants to insist that we do something he simply mentions that “We really should go there” and he says it with such a serious tone that I know he means business. And several times he talked about the coffee at Joe Black and said “You really should go there” with that serious look replacing his usual impish countenance.

I have walked into Joe Black and have staked a place at the communal table while Mr NQN is parking the car. It’s a small cafe but with cosy service and they ask me if I would like a coffee while I am waiting. I’m uncertain and the barista holds up his palms and says “No pressure” while the girl behind the counter laughs and jokingly says “I’m just going to stare at you until you order” and pretends to stare avidly for a moment. I look around-there are walls full of memorabilia and just near the kitchen are four cookie jars suspended above the counter with cookies for $3  ranging from “chunky funky monkeys” to “giant rainbow cookies” and a rather amusing one called “Fresh Air” for $20-this of course being an empty cookie jar.

When Mr NQN arrives we take a seat at a table in a little further as its an unseasonably chilly Spring day. We face a wall of what look to be family school photos, along with a photo of what looks like someone’s first teenage car. Bags of moustache stamped coffee sit on the counter and a coffee siphon machine sits to one side. Mr NQN usually orders a long black but today he has the time to try a siphon coffee which takes time both to make and to drink as you usually let it sit for about 5 minutes. Both luxuries he can’t really afford on a busy work day.

They set down some enamel cups and brown beer bottles filled with water while we peruse the small, neat selection of menu items. There are five breakfast items available all day and four lunch items available after noon with a note that there is a “full menu coming soon (please be patient).” Items are described cheekily with items such as “granola with diced apple and berry compote (very fancy)” and “pikelet stack with stuff” and there’s a selection of sandwiches by John Daly randomly named after the notoriously unhealthy golfer.  We ask the waitress for her recommendations and whether we should get the steak sandwich or one of the sandwiches and she says “The steak sandwich, I can’t lie, it’s awesome.”

Flat white $3.50

The coffee as to be expected is very good and very drinkable with very little bitterness to it.

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I am staring absolutely wide eyed. I have never been as fascinated with a menu in my life. In front of me names such as “Rou Wings”, “Russian Package”, “Beer Duck”, “Pig Leaves”, “Kidney with spicy sauce in Monolithic”, “Great Lunch Meat” and the unfortunately spelled “Vage Meal” dance before me tickling my funny bone and igniting my curiosity. These items sit in sections titled “Gruel” and “Inquisitor Series”. We are in Harry Potter land, we are actually in Auburn, at Taste 101 Chinese restaurant, a place that David had found purely by chance a few weeks before.

In fact we are so fascinated by the menu and deciphering its contents that we spent an inordinate amount of time contemplating our choices and asking each other whether “Choke lamb kidney” is perhaps a warning or whether they mean choko and whether “bad fish slide” (both under the “Inquisitor series”) is just the staff talking plainly and that any inquisitiveness will be rewarded with a whallop to the stomach.

After a few prompts from the waitress we manage to order a few things although some of the more interesting items are not actually available (the rack of lamb and pig feet rice box). I look at Belinda and when the third thing we want to order isn’t available I ask her “Why don’t we try the bad fish slide to see what happens?” and she pauses for a second before laughing and agreeing that it’s certainly worth a try. We watch as steamed buns the size of plates come out from the kitchen destined for the white rectangular plastic displays at the front.

Another casualty are the drinks. Most of the interesting ones on the menu are not available so we open up the fridge and make a selection. There seem to be an abundance of milk and fruit flavoured drinks so we grab a couple of those along with a mysterious looking tall can that has a cucumber on the front but is marked “pumpkin” on the label.  ”Take a photo of my Diet Coke too!” David says cheekily. The milk fruit drinks are not to anyone’s taste-Belinda finds that they taste like shampoo smells and I just find them completely artificial tasting. Surprisingly the pumpkin or cucumber tea is the best of the lot with a sweetness and a pleasant if not particularly discernible flavour.

The cucumber/pumpkin drink

Pork bun

Now the reason why there aren’t prices here is because in some cases it was very hard to match the photo to the item on the menu and we couldn’t read the Chinese on the bill. But most items are incredibly cheap here with the average price of a main meal being $8.50-$10.50. I think the rack of lamb at $20something was the only thing that exceeded $20. There were two buns, a pork and a lamb one so we order one of each. There is spiced mince inside with plenty of garlic and spring onion in both but the slightly sweeter pork meat is the pick of the two. It’s like a perfect sized tasty sandwich. In fact it’s about lunchtime when I’m writing this story and I’m craving one of these sandwiches right now!

Lamb bun

The lamb bun is good with the same bread outer that isn’t too thick and it’s nicely toasty in the pan. Oh and a word of warning, the filling does spill out as it did all over us so use the plates to catch any strays bits so that they don’t hit your clothes. There aren’t napkins here to protect your lap, only tissues.

Pork chop with rice $7.50

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“There are eight of us, that’s definitely a good sign!”

Now ordinarily I’m not a particularly superstitious person. It mainly extends to jinxes more than anything else. And whilst Chinese people are renowned for being superstitious, I’d say that my parents were mildly superstitious but not overtly so. The number 8 is said to be extremely lucky (and I was born on the eighth of the month so I figure that has given me plenty of luck) and conversely the number 4 is said to be bad luck. But growing up, practically overrode superstition and when they bought their first house we ended up growing up in a house numbered 44. If you know Chinese people you would know that many would either ask to change the number or they would quite likely not live at a house who has an extremely unlucky number (with 44 being double bad luck!).

So when we had our crowd of eight dumpling eaters I couldn’t help but remark about the superstitious number. Allow me to explain our exploits for the day. Our aim was simple, to find the best Xiao Long Bao soup dumplings in Sydney. You know those deliciously warming dumplings that seem to have taken over the hearts and tummies of food lovers? At best they have a delicate, silky skin encasing a pork filling with a hot, fragrant soup inside which burst open to warm the tummies (and possibly scald the tongue!). We’d see if dumpling fatigue was indeed a real phenomenon and we would test our stomach’s fortitude in the most delicious way.

Starting at 1:30pm in the afternoon (later than we’d like but David had a swim that morning) our group was made up of intrepid dumpling lovers Queen Viv, Miss America, David the chef from Perama and his wife Belinda, Jen from Truffled Pink and her boyfriend Nick came along with Mr NQN and I. Only hardened dumpling lovers needed apply. Our list encompassed nine dumpling restaurants in total spread across Sydney. Everyone perused the list of dumpling houses that we were eating at and nodded. “Also there are a lot of eights in the phone numbers!” someone exclaimed.

The dumpling-mobile aka Black Cherry

This was a mission that was planned far ahead of time. In fact it was planned almost three months in advance and in that space of time our naughty car Elphaba had decided to protest and die and we found ourselves carless. Thankfully the kind people at Toyota loaned me their new Rukus car (in a colour we christened “Black Cherry”) to help us in our mission. Thank god for friends with cars!

The brief:

• Try steamed xiao long bao and the pan fried pork buns if they had them on the menu
• We could order any drinks that we needed (dumpling chasing is thirsty work!)
• Try not to loiter if the place is busy
• We would score the dumplings on four criteria: the pastry, appearance, filling/flavour and soup. They would be scored out of 10 with adjustments allowed

Din Tai Fung, World Square, Sydney CBD

Our first stop was aiming high. We had all at other times visited Din Tai Fung and knew that their Xiao Long Baos were fantastic and whilst there was some debate about the flavour of the dumplings with Mr NQN insisting that Shanghai Night‘s were better for flavour, there was no mistaking how pretty these specimens were. Said to have at least 18 pleats in each individual dumpling these were mini works of art. As we walk towards Din Tai Fung we see a huge sign saying that they are not affiliated with any other dumpling restaurant which is oddly large for such an announcement.

Mr NQN, Queen Viv, Miss America and I meet the rest of our dining pals in front of this sign. “We’ve been kicked out!” Belinda tells us as they had been sitting there waiting for us but when they asked for a table for eight, they were asked to wait outside for a table. Yes it’s that sort of place. There is always a queue outside Din Tai Fung, pretty much at any time of the day.

“We’ve got to take turns explaining to them why we only want Xiao Long Bao” we agree and I go first. I fill in the form on the table ticking the boxes for two lots of Xiao Long Bao (we’re hungry as it is past our lunch hour) including several orders for the terribly refreshing lychee and mint drink and beers and two lots of xiao long bao.

The waiter hesitates “Just two?” “Yes just two, we’re on a diet” I offer. To their credit there’s no gnashing of the teeth (the large drinks order probably bought us an extra 30 minutes at the table) and they bring us a little stand for our handbags which comes with a cover cloth.

Xiao Long Bao

Our dumplings arrive quickly as they tend to here and they are very pretty specimens indeed. On the table are small bowls with threads of ginger on them and you add the vinegar and soy to these strands of ginger and dip the dumpling into this. There is even a guide telling people how to eat a Xiao Long Bao so we carefully followed the instructions and deliver a soup, gingery specimen to our lips. The dumpling skin is wonderfully silky and smooth and thin and the filling is less dense and less tightly packed than other dumpling restaurants. The soup with its helpful injection of ginger in the sauce is also just the right amount. Popular with the group, we pass around the scorecard and mark them.

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