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A Christmas Feast: Ham In Root Beer & Chocolate Pomegranate Cake!

ham root beer, chocolate pomegranate cake

Over the years Mr NQN has had to get used to me. When we first started dating he used to say “Do you have to get so dressed up?”. He is a country boy after all and there were mutterings of overdressing and I suspect too much makeup (although he was smart enough not to comment on that). There was the singing in public, the fact that I liked biting him because I thought he seemed tasty, the way that I’d enjoy my food a bit too much, the odd food that I’d make and the other strange things that I did that embarrassed him. Until one day he actually said to me

“Oh I like the way you used to dress”

ham root beer, chocolate pomegranate cake

This was of course after I had dressed more casually to try and not embarrass him. I looked at him and I smiled. Did he actually like me being me? Did I no longer embarrass him? Success! I had indoctrinated him into my world and he seemed to like it there (and a good thing because I don’t like having to do things any way but my own). Now he is used to shopping adventures where we travel to buy a good free range ham. He is used to buying bottles of root beer and pouring them over said ham. He is used to me inviting people over for food (he is naturally very shy and inviting people over just would not occur to him).

ham root beer, chocolate pomegranate cake

And speaking of that ham, this Christmas we were seeing  our families as we planned a small family dinner combining my family with Mr NQN’s. His family were all over the place (their natural state of affairs being chaos), and trying to find a date that suited everyone meant that Christmas was going to be on December 26th. I had to point out that December 26th was no longer technically Christmas so I invited whoever could come over to our place on December 24th for dinner. Christmas Eve is when the Finnish celebrate Christmas and this is when my family celebrates Christmas because quite honestly my sister and I couldn’t wait another night to open our presents and our parents just relented and it became tradition.

ham root beer, chocolate pomegranate cake

Aura Lily

Well it turns out that all of the family members could make it on December 24th after all (I guess it was that annual tradition of herding cats preceding Festivus that the Elliotts seem to delight in!). And suddenly our small family celebration burst out to a table for thirteen…around our table that seats 8! But not to worry, we had plenty of food. My ham was a 5 kilo beast-modest enough and covered in a crunchy, moreish breadcrumb crust and then basted in a flavoursome root beer caramel. I had made this many years ago before the blog and before Mr NQN and was so besotted by it that I vowed to make it again when I had a lot of mouths to feed. The ham is easy enough to do and just requires a basting every 30 minutes and then a coating of a breadcrumb crust. It is then baked and basted to glistening perfection before being sliced up with some of the breadcrumb mixture and the sweet, fragrant caramelised syrup.

ham root beer, chocolate pomegranate cake

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Easy Eggnog Fudge

egg nog fudge

My family were rather strange eaters when we were growing up. My father wanted nothing more and nothing less than Cantonese food whereas the rest of my family and I craved other things. We’d watch ads on television where families sat down to roast dinners and vegetables and wistfully gaze at the images of families eating roast dinners wishing that one day we could try them.

egg nog fudge

Some days, and I suspect days when my parents just couldn’t be bothered putting up resistance, my sister and I were allowed to cook. And before you think I’m going to regale you with some tales of culinary prodigyness, let me assure you that the extent to what we would cook would be emptying out a tin of baby carrots and peas into a saucepan and then serving it with a coq au vin. A bizarre combination but with no blueprint to base it on, we were just thrilled that it wasn’t a Cantonese dish. There were no noses turned up at it from anyone, we all enjoyed the dishes, perhaps just for the novelty.

egg nog fudge

Whole nutmeg

I was at a friend’s house when I first tried eggnog. I had never had it before because my parents are of the thinking that alcohol is the first step to going to hell (I’m not kidding, follow this with some gambling and they’d likely institutionalise you ;) ). My friend’s mother however, did not subscribe to that theory and I think that she loved the extra brandy kick she could get during the Christmas season to help her cope with two bratty girls. I tried the eggnog and was fascinated by it. I loved the flavours of nutmeg, brandy and rum and when she told me that it had raw egg in it (after I drank it), I was too far in love with it to reconsider my position. And it’s always a combination of flavours that puts me in the same mood as my friend’s mum-jolly under times of extreme stress. Sometimes you just have to find your joy when you can.

egg nog fudge

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Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Jelly Beans from Harry Potter

bertie botts jelly beans harry potter

I used to work for a man who didn’t mind when I called him Voldemort, Harry Potter’s dark lord of evil. That kind of gives you an indication of how strange and twisted he was. Having said that, he wasn’t 100% awful, he definitely had moments of being kind and nice but mostly, and until he got married he was a strange tyrant that you could hear demanding things like a petulant baby his loud vice roaring across the room “All I want is….” was a frequent cry.

“Expecto Patronum!” I used to mutter under my breath during this time. Luckily he only had the vaguest understanding of the Harry Potter series. These two words in the book were what Harry or other wizards would say when needed a protector and a weapon against predators and Dementors. I was hoping that the spell would work to appease tyrannical bosses.

bertie botts jelly beans harry potter

The Harry Potter series is one of my favourite series of books, ever. I’m not much into the fantasy genre but there was something that immediately grabbed me (and millions of others). I love the way the author J.K. Rowling’s mind works and how imaginative she is. And like with many of my favourite books there is also an element of food. One of the foods that she created was Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Jelly Beans. These are like muggle or non magical jelly beans except that there is a huge range of flavours good and bad. Alongside more regular flavours there were ones like earwax, bogey, vomit and dirt. As such they were marketed as “Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans – A Risk With Every Mouthful!”

And I woke up one day and said out loud in excitement “These would be perfect for Halloween!”

I didn’t quite have any inclination to replicate a vomit flavoured jelly bean but I decided to make jelly beans in a variety of flavours including some not so nice or non traditional jelly bean flavours mixed in with your regular flavours. Having a look in my spell cupboard… ahem pantry I took out the following flavours: coconut, chocolate, pear, black pepper, lemon myrtle, vindaloo curry, violet and strawberry and paired them with colours.

bertie botts jelly beans harry potter

Finding a recipe for jelly beans was hard-very hard indeed. What I realised is that nobody really makes jelly beans because they are easy and cheap to buy. But because I was under the Confundus charm spell I paid no heed of the warning and made a batch without having any molds and they just melded into one and didn’t look even vaguely jelly bean shaped. I regrouped and bought some molds that in truth look more like mini Easter egg molds than jelly bean molds although they were sold as the latter, and made them again. The flavour of these jelly beans was  distinct. Clear and quite scary for people picking up a red jelly bean and expecting a hot cinnamon or strawberry jelly bean and instead getting a mouthful of garlickly vindaloo!

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Black Crow Cupcakes

halloween crow cupcakes

If you had asked me what my main aims were during primary school it wasn’t really to achieve great marks, be popular or become a prefect or school captain. It was quite honestly, to avoid all sport and P.E. classes. I’d rather have been in the library reading books or doing something peaceful. Having a hard ball thrown at you and hitting it with a wooden paddle seemed like a pretty good way to get some sort of injury and and my physical limitations and clumsiness always ensured that I was the last picked for any cricket game (and I shudder whenever the sport comes on television).

I was never given prime position of a bowler/ pitcher or a batter. I was the one out in the field assiduously avoiding all contact with the ball-we had all decided that it was best that way. And one day while far out in the field listening to the distant rumble of the cricket captain getting mad at another student for not hitting the ball far enough I was busy contemplating the dry yellow grass. A raven swooped down and sat on the fence beside me and looked at me. I was alarmed. I had seen the movie The Omen and didn’t know the difference between a raven or a crow and was terrified that the look that it gave me was a challenge.

halloween crow cupcakes

It looked at me and I looked at it and it cocked its head so I cocked my head back. “Don’t peck my eyes out ok birdy?” I said to it and it didn’t agree or disagree so I considered that a draw. My mother who was superstitious told me that ravens were creatures that signified illness or death. The strange black bird kept me company for a few minutes that afternoon far out in the field and thankfully it didn’t attack me although perhaps it had seen me when the ball freakishly came out my way. I screamed, ducked and it whizzed past my head and the bird flew away in alarm. Clearly I was not to be messed with as the sight of a mere ball caused a meltdown.

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NQN’s Hellish Halloween Party!

halloween food recipes

So there I was, waiting for a batch of blood for my annual Halloween party. Not the human kind mind you, but nevertheless a batch of blood. The only problem? It was about to arrive when I was going to have a meeting with my book publishers at Penguin to discuss publicity for my upcoming book.

“What am I going to do?” I asked Mr NQN. “It needs to be fresh, and I can’t pick it up any other time”

“Bring it with you to the meeting?” he suggested.

“I suppose, I can’t be the only author that has brought a bag of blood to a meeting, can I?” I reasoned.

Well as it turns out, blood isn’t the easiest thing to get and it ended up being late which saved me from a fate of explaining why I was carry half a litre of cryovaced pigs’s blood (well at least it wasn’t in a bucket and I wasn’t in a 70′s style prom dress I didn’t have said bucket tipped over me a la Carrie…).

halloween food recipes

Every year I look forward to my favourite time of the year, Halloween where I get to say goodbye to the pretty and embrace the ghoulishly morbid. This year for Halloween I ended up making 14 items – I know 13 is a lucky or unlucky number depending on who you talk to but an additional thing just slipped in in my excitement. I prepped the party for the week prior to it-I was holding it early as I wasn’t able to hold it on the last weekend of October and I also figured if anyone wanted to cook the recipes they would have time in order to make them. As I have for the past few years, I went to my favourite party supply store The Party People for items including a backdrop that would transform our neutral toned apartment into a dungeon and for good measure I hired a fog machine so that guests could be treated to the sight of a foggy, misty Halloween evening! I do love the delightfully creepy!

halloween food recipes

A few days before the party I sent around a little reminder to my guests:

“My dearest, darling ghoul
I’ve been busy mixing up spiders and gruel
For a Halloween night
That will give you a fright
See you on Saturday at 7pm, don’t forget there’s only one rule…

Please wear a costume! ;)

halloween food recipes

Well I never laid claim to any poetic talents. So without any further dithering allow me, dressed as your Disneyland Haunted Mansion Maid wearing a costume made by my mother, to present you with my hellishly horrible Halloween party of 2011!

Press the doorbell to enter…

halloween food recipes

Blood punch

My esteemed guests, let us start with something to drink. Some blood punch Madam or Sir? Presented most delightfully in a clear blood fountain, the mistress of the manor likes to drink blood so she thought you might like to try some. Perhaps you’ll get a taste for it like she has…

halloween food recipes

Please help yourself to anything on the dining table…it’s all gruesomely edible…

halloween food recipes

Have you ever visited  a pet cemetery? Here is a haunted one made of an avocado, spinach and chickpea hummus dip where ghosts abound visiting tombstone crackers and pretzel fences keep them in.

halloween food recipes

If you haven’t visited a dentist lately I wouldn’t recommend these apple rotting teeth with caramel peanuts…

halloween food recipes

Watermelon brain

This was the brain of someone that displeased the mansion’s mistress. She’s a little despotic so she decided off with his head and that she would share it with all of you…

halloween food recipes

Oh dear, and here is the rest of the man that displeased the mansion mistress. Apart from being a despot she also has a nicer side and believes in nose to tail eating…So she thought that we should eat all of him from his bbq pork ribs to his spicy sausage intestines! With a bloody tomato sauce of course ;)

halloween food recipes

Smokey pumpkin cheese ball

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