My husband says that I can shop for almost anything, and it’s true. Even supermarket shopping holds joy and excitement for me. I could stroll the aisles of a supermarket, especially in overseas countries, picking up item after item and not get bored. So when I came upon a tractor selling restaurant I was immediately intrigued. My husband was relieved in that he knew that I wouldn’t be interested in a tractor because a) it’s a tractor and b) a tractor would exceed our baggage allowance. In the city centre, Zetor is said to be a slice of what the Finnish countryside was like a few decades ago. Indeed my husband’s Finnish born and bred uncle confirms this fact.

No hidden bottles please!

There’s a sign at the front, asking us to leave our bags, coats and any hidden bottles of alcohol behind. Hmm I get the sense that this isn’t your usual sort of place. My husband’s cousin said that it was more a “quantity over quality” place which pleased my husband to no end. Yes folks, no matter how hard I’ve tried to persuade him, he still prefers a larger meal to a quality meal.

We’re shown to a booth, past enormous tractors with flames painted on them and a gigantic cow. My husband’s uncle also explains that the name Zetor actually refers to a Russian tractor that was notoriously unreliable and thought to have been a poor quality one so the name is a joke.

Zetor’s menu-printed as a newpaper with pages in several languages

And their menu, designed in the style of a newspaper with a menu page in Finnish, English, Swedish, German and Russian certainly has a sense of humour to it with dishes such as “2. Plastic Blinnery: Now, it is finally possible to acquire a DD cup by a safe, natural method. The orally ingested filling includes a blini fried in clarified butter, served with herring caviar, salmon roe mousse and boiled egg. No danger of rejection.” as well as desserts such as “34. This Is Your Captain Speaking: Welcome to this chartered flight to Torremolinos! In order for you to be able to achieve the requisite holiday spirit, we will be serving chocolate cake and strawberries in brandy. And don’t forget to give a hearty applause when we land.”

Booths

The waitress comes to take our order and we order the Cliche Soup, ZETOR C2007I and the fawn reindeer roast (”Slip into something more comfortable”) and for dessert the “Hidden Agenda”-oven baked cheese with caramel sauce and brandy marinated arctic cloudberries.

Cliche soup (large) €12.90

All three dishes arrive at once and they smell fantastic, particularly the Cliche soup which I have chosen. Described as: “It’s a deja vú all over again, said the man, and didn’t skin his bear, because on the same token, he went back to business: Smoked reindeer and cheese soup, vegetable butter and crispbread. The portion took the feet right out of his mouth. Available also without reindeer” A spoonful into it and it’s creamy and velvety and the flavour much like a cheese and bacon roll in a liquid form. The tiny smoked reindeer pieces taste just like bacon and it’s gorgeously voluptuous although you get the feeling that you are eating for Everest and that the calories in this bowl could sustain you for a trek to the summit and back. The crispbread is much like a Pringle shaped Finncrisp with some carrot puree butter on it.

Zetor C2007I €11.70 little tinned fish

I next try the “ZETOR C2007I An updated version of our best-selling product. The components are smoked Pielinen vendace in tin can and bread. Optional extras include a schnapps (4 cl), and you can also get take-away vendace components from the hat check girl. Suitable for two. This product will not be outsourced to Asia” which arrives in a tin with one of those little openers that you try and master in order to reach your food. The smoked fish are interesting and the bread very dry and crispy. We find this best when you spoon the fish on and let the oil from the fish permeate the bread somewhat-and even then it’s a n earth shattering crunch when you bite into it. The fish are much like an oily smoked fish-not bad at all.

Slip Into Something More Comfortable €27.80

The last savoury dish is the “Slip Into Something More Comfortable: The reindeer fawn roast slipped into a potato hash and poured cranberry red wine sauce all over itself.  Then it burned the midnight oil so that the country cheese got warm. This caused the sauerkraut to stew in its sour cream, and the mood was set for the evening. ” This dish, a little more expensive than the rest of the menu, which is mostly less than €20, but it is rewardingly good, the reindeer fawn is gloriously soft and the perfect companion to the sweet and mild sauerkraut and potatoes. The cranberry red wine sauce and country cheese also complements the reindeer and we are in unison impressed with this dish. My sister particularly loves the cheese, called Leipäjuusto, literally translated into Bread Cheese which is like a less salty version of Halloumi. Said to be made from rich milk from a cow that has recently calved it is used in both sweet and savoury dishes.

Hidden Agenda €9.20 Caramelised cheese

Hidden Agenda €9.20 Cloudberries marinated in brandy

Which brings us to our dessert featuring Leipäjuusto with caramel sauce and brandy soaked arctic cloudberries. It comes in a baking dish and looks like a gratin but a spoonful in and we are all nodding our heads in agreement. There is the caramel squeaky cheese on top but underneath is a milky caramel flavoured sauce. The brandy cloudberries are gorgeous alongside this creamy cheesy spoonsful and although it’s unusual, it most certainly works.

Pail of cutlery

We leave and of course it is bright and sunny. We see some people toting beers - they don’t come in 6 packs here, they come in 12 packs for the serious drinker. And the colloquial term for these is “Dachshund” for the shape as they resemble the sausage dog. And no, I didn’t buy a tractor!

Restaurant Zetor

Mannerheimintie 3-5, Kaivopiha, 00100 Helsinki - tel. 010 76 64450
Table reservations: S-groups sales service 020 1234 800 (mon-fri 8-18) -
Open: mon 11-24, tue 11-03, wed-sat 11-04 sun 13-23
http://www.ravintolazetor.fi/etusivu_en.html

I know I’m hardly a child, and I know that every visit to Tokyo for me has to seemingly include a visit to Tokyo Disneyland. This time however I had the excuse that I wanted my husband to come along. When he was 2 years old, his parents took him to Florida Disneyland. When he met Mickey Mouse he promptly burst into tears. The poor thing had not only the humiliation of crying at the cartoon character at such a tender age but also a second round of humiliation when his brother, his best man at our wedding, recalled the story to all of our guests.

So in an effort to purge him of his Mickey Mouse demons, I took him to Tokyo Disneyland. I shan’t bother you with the details of the rides (although I loved them and as always my favourite was The Haunted Mansion) but here is a look at some of the food we ate:

Smoked turkey drumstick  Y472 (about $4.90AUD)

The Smoked turkey drumstick was a gigantic sized drumstick where the delicious smoked aroma beckoned to us. I know that I am in Western World when I can smell these. There’s some gristly bits but it’s soft and the flesh eases away easily which is a must when you’re eating takeaway style without utensils.

Caramel popcorn stand

Caramel popcorn Y300 (about $3.20AUD)

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Having the pleasure of seeing Mr Ramsay cook doesn’t always come cheap. I was lucky enough to get some Front row centre tickets as I made sure I was online the second they went on sale but looking at ebay just a couple of weeks before the show, I saw that a pair of tickets had sold for $350 (plus the book but lets face it, they weren’t after the book). So I hung onto my precious tickets and guarded them with my life. It’s a good year for me, I’ve already met my favourite female cook Nigella and now I am meeting my favourite male chef.

Crowd waiting for Gordon to arrive for his 1.30pm book signing

We met friend Gina, Teena and Philippe at noon and slowly made our way around the show. The crowds were thick and in a lot of cases unmoving. Gina vowed to visit next year on a Friday such were the crowds around some stands.

The line is large for Gordon and everyone is excited. They’ve expanded the size of the theatre due to demand for Gordon’s shows (they put up the price of the second wave of tickets to cover the cost of expanding the theatre).

We have brilliant seats, front row centre left, right in front of him cooking. There’s a bit of a warm up and prize giveaway prior to Gordon entering with his right hand man from Claridges Mark Sargeant whom I remember seeing on the F Word. There is a lot of clapping signalling that the crowd is restless and doesn’t want to hear any of the preamble, they just want Gordon. And after several “Here comes Goooordon Ramsay!!”, the man finally appears. He looks exactly like he does on the show and women everywhere swoon.

Two fans run onto the stage holding Gordon masks

It’s like a culinary version of Beatlemania with two girls running up to the stage with Gordon masks on sticks and declaring him their idol and asking for hugs. Several girls stop him during the show when he walks into the audience area and demand hugs to which he happily obliges.

Another fan wanting a hug

Gordon on stage is exactly what he is like on tv, except with a little less swearing and if you watch Hell’s Kitchen or Kitchen Nightmares, a lot less anger. He does manage to insult (in his charmingly blunt way) a slew of celebrities: Dannii Minogue for being plastic and melting in front of the oven and for having body parts less than 6 months old, Lisa Wilkinson (host of the Today show) whom he says has a penis, Anthony Worrall Thompson for winning the ugliest chef award 35 years running, Jamie Oliver for being a “fat tongued fat git” who makes fattening food and Matt Moran for having a poor turnout to the show (”They moved the curtain 4 rows from the front so Matt thought that it was full of people”) and of course the Diners Club sponsor when he whipped out his Black American Express card.

“Is this the size of your bush?”

He even makes fun of the audience and recalls falling in love with a French woman when he lived in France and asks if there are any French women in the audience. There is only one and he picks up a bunch of herbs and asks her “Is this the size of your bush?” to which she declares that hers is actually bigger.

Matt Moran with the fire extinguisher pounces on an unsuspecting Gordon and Mark

During the show Matt Moran bursts on stage with a fire extinguisher which sprays both Gordon and Mark, probably as revenge for his earlier comment.

Gordon’s little exchange with me

“I feel bad now”

I even had an exchange with Gordon himself while he was on stage. He pretended that he’d left copies of his cookbook under our seats but hadn’t so everyone got excited for a second then realised he was taking the piss. My friend was quite vocal in her “Awwww no!!” so he said to her “Did you think I’d put 2000 copies under everyone’s seat?” and she shrugged so I yelled out “Oprah would have!” and he laughed and touched his heart and says “Oh shit, really yeah I feel bad now”. Then he said “Where’s your husband?” and I pointed at my husband sitting next to me behind the camera and he said “Well he’s a lucky man”. Aww I feel touched by god!

Hand on his heart feeling bad that he hasn’t given us the books, Oprah style

While he is cooking, he gets a little more serious and explains tricks and rules to perfecting the dishes. He makes three dishes, a chorizo and bean soup, a lamb dish with a balsamic sauce which looks delectably luscious and a Pain Perdu (french toast) all intended to be dishes that you could make everyday from leftover ingredients.

Entree: Chorizo and bean soup

Main-Lamb

Dessert-Pain Perdu

After all of the cooking is done, he gives away items from the set to lucky audience members.

After this, he is off to his last book signing of the day where I tried to get my DVDs signed but they had cut the line off after a certain amount of people. As Gordon took time to chat and shake the hand or kiss and take a photo with every person in the line, the amount of people was relatively short but well rewarded. Whilst I would’ve loved a kiss and my DVDs signed I was happy with my small brush with Gordon!

Gordon signing one of many autographs

The crowd taking pictures of Gordon signing

And of the stands on offer, there were plenty of delicious morsels to be had, loads of samples and lots of great bargains.

Organic Times chocolates

One of my favourite stands, and the site of a big purchase was the Organic Times Chocolate stand where they were extremely generous with samples. We tried at least 8 of their varieties (and we could have tried more) before settling on dark chocolate coated licorice (mild), chocolate coated ginger (gorgeous large chunks of candied stem ginger enrobed in dark chocolate), dark chocolate coated macadamias and dark chocolate coated coffee beans. 3 boxes were $20 or 4 for $25.

Yumi’s dips

Another favourite stand of mine every year is Yumi’s dips which I adore. I especially like their olive dip, tuna mousse, smoked trout mousse, egg salad, pumpkin and Mediterranean eggplant dip and we buy up big here. As it is the last day, they offer us 7 dips for $12 which is a huge saving. I would have bought more except I know that I will be away for a month so I won’t be able to eat the fish dips.

Hillier’s chocolates offering is a huge bowl of wrapped chocolates. Despite his sad expression, the caramel ones were especially good

Pama Liquors

Pomegranate seemed to be the juice flavour of this year’s show with a couple of Pomegranate juice manufacturers as well as this Pomegranate liquor. I didn’t have time to try but I did love the bottles!

There were also whole hibiscus flowers soaked in Vodka. They had an interesting texture, much like beetroot with a sweetness from the flower itself and kick from the Vodka.

For those interested in eating lunch in a non bite sized sample portion, there were celebrity chef eateries churning out dishes.

I would probably have this expression if I had to wear the hat. Perhaps my husband was mocking him when he took the picture, hence the rather fierce expression.

We got to the Lindt stand a bit too late and missed out on the Lindor ball bags. Ah well, we still had lots of Organic chocolate.

All in all, it was another great show this year, made 100000% times better by the presence of Mr Ramsay. I don’t know how they will top that next year. After all, there is just one Mr Gordon Ramsay.

And Dear Reader, whilst you are reading this, I will probably be on a plane on my way to Tokyo, probably eating a dodgy airline meal (and of course photographing it). I shall have limited access to the internet for the first 10 days that I am away but will post stories every day so please feel free to make comments, I’ll approve and reply to them when I get more internet access, probably somewhere in Finland, our second destination. After Finland we will go to London to stay with my sister (where I will have unlimited internet access) and then a few days in Paris. Rest assured this will be an eating tour of these wonderful cities so once I am back in London, the tales of the bizarre, kitsch and delicious will flow.

Love Infrequent Flyer,

NQN
xxx