My husband says that I can shop for almost anything, and it’s true. Even supermarket shopping holds joy and excitement for me. I could stroll the aisles of a supermarket, especially in overseas countries, picking up item after item and not get bored. So when I came upon a tractor selling restaurant I was immediately intrigued. My husband was relieved in that he knew that I wouldn’t be interested in a tractor because a) it’s a tractor and b) a tractor would exceed our baggage allowance. In the city centre, Zetor is said to be a slice of what the Finnish countryside was like a few decades ago. Indeed my husband’s Finnish born and bred uncle confirms this fact.

No hidden bottles please!

There’s a sign at the front, asking us to leave our bags, coats and any hidden bottles of alcohol behind. Hmm I get the sense that this isn’t your usual sort of place. My husband’s cousin said that it was more a “quantity over quality” place which pleased my husband to no end. Yes folks, no matter how hard I’ve tried to persuade him, he still prefers a larger meal to a quality meal.

We’re shown to a booth, past enormous tractors with flames painted on them and a gigantic cow. My husband’s uncle also explains that the name Zetor actually refers to a Russian tractor that was notoriously unreliable and thought to have been a poor quality one so the name is a joke.

Zetor’s menu-printed as a newpaper with pages in several languages

And their menu, designed in the style of a newspaper with a menu page in Finnish, English, Swedish, German and Russian certainly has a sense of humour to it with dishes such as “2. Plastic Blinnery: Now, it is finally possible to acquire a DD cup by a safe, natural method. The orally ingested filling includes a blini fried in clarified butter, served with herring caviar, salmon roe mousse and boiled egg. No danger of rejection.” as well as desserts such as “34. This Is Your Captain Speaking: Welcome to this chartered flight to Torremolinos! In order for you to be able to achieve the requisite holiday spirit, we will be serving chocolate cake and strawberries in brandy. And don’t forget to give a hearty applause when we land.”

Booths

The waitress comes to take our order and we order the Cliche Soup, ZETOR C2007I and the fawn reindeer roast (”Slip into something more comfortable”) and for dessert the “Hidden Agenda”-oven baked cheese with caramel sauce and brandy marinated arctic cloudberries.

Cliche soup (large) €12.90

All three dishes arrive at once and they smell fantastic, particularly the Cliche soup which I have chosen. Described as: “It’s a deja vú all over again, said the man, and didn’t skin his bear, because on the same token, he went back to business: Smoked reindeer and cheese soup, vegetable butter and crispbread. The portion took the feet right out of his mouth. Available also without reindeer” A spoonful into it and it’s creamy and velvety and the flavour much like a cheese and bacon roll in a liquid form. The tiny smoked reindeer pieces taste just like bacon and it’s gorgeously voluptuous although you get the feeling that you are eating for Everest and that the calories in this bowl could sustain you for a trek to the summit and back. The crispbread is much like a Pringle shaped Finncrisp with some carrot puree butter on it.

Zetor C2007I €11.70 little tinned fish

I next try the “ZETOR C2007I An updated version of our best-selling product. The components are smoked Pielinen vendace in tin can and bread. Optional extras include a schnapps (4 cl), and you can also get take-away vendace components from the hat check girl. Suitable for two. This product will not be outsourced to Asia” which arrives in a tin with one of those little openers that you try and master in order to reach your food. The smoked fish are interesting and the bread very dry and crispy. We find this best when you spoon the fish on and let the oil from the fish permeate the bread somewhat-and even then it’s a n earth shattering crunch when you bite into it. The fish are much like an oily smoked fish-not bad at all.

Slip Into Something More Comfortable €27.80

The last savoury dish is the “Slip Into Something More Comfortable: The reindeer fawn roast slipped into a potato hash and poured cranberry red wine sauce all over itself.  Then it burned the midnight oil so that the country cheese got warm. This caused the sauerkraut to stew in its sour cream, and the mood was set for the evening. ” This dish, a little more expensive than the rest of the menu, which is mostly less than €20, but it is rewardingly good, the reindeer fawn is gloriously soft and the perfect companion to the sweet and mild sauerkraut and potatoes. The cranberry red wine sauce and country cheese also complements the reindeer and we are in unison impressed with this dish. My sister particularly loves the cheese, called Leipäjuusto, literally translated into Bread Cheese which is like a less salty version of Halloumi. Said to be made from rich milk from a cow that has recently calved it is used in both sweet and savoury dishes.

Hidden Agenda €9.20 Caramelised cheese

Hidden Agenda €9.20 Cloudberries marinated in brandy

Which brings us to our dessert featuring Leipäjuusto with caramel sauce and brandy soaked arctic cloudberries. It comes in a baking dish and looks like a gratin but a spoonful in and we are all nodding our heads in agreement. There is the caramel squeaky cheese on top but underneath is a milky caramel flavoured sauce. The brandy cloudberries are gorgeous alongside this creamy cheesy spoonsful and although it’s unusual, it most certainly works.

Pail of cutlery

We leave and of course it is bright and sunny. We see some people toting beers - they don’t come in 6 packs here, they come in 12 packs for the serious drinker. And the colloquial term for these is “Dachshund” for the shape as they resemble the sausage dog. And no, I didn’t buy a tractor!

Restaurant Zetor

Mannerheimintie 3-5, Kaivopiha, 00100 Helsinki - tel. 010 76 64450
Table reservations: S-groups sales service 020 1234 800 (mon-fri 8-18) -
Open: mon 11-24, tue 11-03, wed-sat 11-04 sun 13-23
http://www.ravintolazetor.fi/etusivu_en.html

What would you say if I invited you to come along to a Haunted Prison themed restaurant, in one of the busiest hubs of Tokyo and told you that you may indeed be scared senseless entering the restaurant and that you’ll be led to a jail cell in handcuffs and then locked up in it for the duration of the meal? Sounds good? Then you’re someone that I would be friends with.

I had been looking forward to The Lockup in Shibuya ever since arriving to Tokyo as I kept hearing how very weird it was. At another location (there are several Lockups throughout Tokyo), apparently you and your party get placed into a darkened room and if you find the secret opening, then you make it into the restaurant. I had no idea what to expect so when we see the sign indicating we are to go to Basement 2, we follow, hesitating. The entrance looms and there is a genuinely spooky atmosphere given by the extremely dark and winding hallways, cold rush of air and cackling and screaming sounds around us. We inch around the corner slowly, as to not to fall (it’s a lawsuit waiting to happen and this would never happen in a litigious country like America or even Australia) and what happens next frightens the hell out of me, a man strapped to an electric chair, Clive Barker from Hellraiser sans pins, rocks back and forth screaming with lights flashing.

I scream my lungs out and then fortifying myself, move on where we encounter other bumps and things designed to scare (I won’t ruin the surprise for those that want to go) and encounter three doors, one door being the correct one, and two others….well let’s not ruin that for you too! If you want to experience entering the LockUp there are a couple of videos on Youtube

Making it into the sanctum of the restaurant, my husband is led by handcuffs to our prison cell (I don’t get handcuffed apparently, only one member of your group is which I think is a bit disappointing). We get our own “prison cell” and are locked in although the door isn’t actually locked and we are free to go but they do pull the doors shut.

We peruse the menu and find some cocktails that tickle our fancy, mainly due to the presentation as we can’t actually read the menu that well and there is no English menu. It’s Izakaya food, which I absolutely love as I like small dishes in a plentiful number so that I can try as many tastes as possible.

A friend translated the cocktail menu for me as it reads as follows:

• Cloning Experiment
• Electric Shock
• Illegal Parking (Injection) [Red Ticket]= pronunciations of Japanese words for ‘parking’ and ‘injection’ are the same
• Bad Loan - your eyeballs have blown up because you’ve lent too much money
• Human Experiment
• Drug Addition (you are already dead)
• Time Bomb Capsules - they may explode after you’ve swallowed them?
  

Test tube cocktail (non alcoholic Y800)

Our cocktails arrive, the first one a non alcoholic number served in a beaker and with 5 test tubes with different flavours and a dropper to add each flavour to the drink. The drink itself is like a carbonated light yogurt drink and the flavours are sweet and tasty. I enjoy this chance to play scientist and “mix” drinks all night.

Syringe drink Y580

The second drink comes also comes in a beaker but this also has a syringe full of red jelly which we squirt into the drink. It has a sweet berry flavour to it and is alcoholic (and strongly so).

Complimentary breadsticks and cheese dip

The drinks also arrive with some breadsticks broken in half in a beaker along with the sweet and savoury cream cheese. It’s curious and not too bad indeed.

BBQ pork with spring onions Y609

Our range of dishes arrives in quick succession. The BBQ pork dish at first looks like it has too much spring onion on top of it but once popped into the mouth, it tastes perfect, the pork beautifully soft and melt in the mouth. It’s a delicate touch for an Izakaya and we are both impressed.

Big Salad Y871
The second dish, a 35cms tall salad in a glass arrives and the waitress serves this up by tipping out the salad onto a bowl and spreading it out. There is finely sliced crunchy daikon, lettuce, cherry tomato and fried chicken pieces with a Japanese Wafu dressing. There’s no egg as per the picture though but we welcome the taste of fresh salad.

Chinese chicken salad Y504

The third dish is actually different from what we had ordered but it’s very good so we don’t mind in the slightest. It’s a chicken and sesame mayo Chinese chicken salad served in a purple cabbage cup. It’s very good, one of my favourite salads ever so we don’t ask what happened to the original dish (not that we could anyway, my Japanese only gets me as far as ordering, not complaining)

Nankotsu Y504

The fourth dish is one of my favourites ever since I first had this in an Izakaya. It’s not always available at every Izakaya and whenever I see it, I always order it. It’s Nankotsu (chicken cartilege), breaded and deep fried so that the bone is no as crunchy as when it is grilled. A sprinkle of Tabasco and it is perfection and this is indeed.

Mince Okonomiyaki Y609
The last dish, a beef mince okonomiyaki is not to my taste. I am also very full so I pass up on this after a first taste. My husband prefers the mince as it is more “moist” than a regular Okonomiyaki whereas I prefer the regular version. This tastes like a lot of mince with some fish flakes on top. My husband on the other hand is hypnotised by the swaying of the fish flakes.

We sit back and watch other parties being led this time by bondage-y style clad waitresses and wish we had more time to try the other Lock Up experiences. Just because a meal tastes better after a fright.

The Lock Up

33-1 Udagawa-cho
(just off Center-gai, Shibuya Grand Tokyo Bldg. B2F)
Tokyo
Tel: +81 (03)-5728-7731
Open:
Monday to Friday 17:00～01:00
Saturday 17:00～05:00
Sunday 17:00～24:00

Shibuya

Cover charge Y525 per person plus tax charge

Yes Dear Reader, I know I promised to write about my overseas travels. This was delayed somewhat with  intermittent internet acces. Tokyo is a city that has a firm place in my heart. I lived there for a couple of years and found myself at times, bewildered, curious, enchanted and exasperated by this fantastically weird city. It’s a city I enjoy now as a tourist which allows me to weave in and out of the areas with a familiar assuredness whilst remaining detached and appreciative of the idiosyncracies that may have niggled at me before.

So without further ado, I give you my adventures starting in the weird and wonderful city of Tokyo, followed later by Finland, Paris and London.

I love the story of Alice in wonderland as my babbling and cupcakes will attest. So it was with excitement that I found a “Fantasy Dining” restaurant in Ginza called “Alice” where waitresses, dressed in cute little alice outfits served Alice in Wonderland themed food, all in a setting fitting the eccentric little tale. We asked the Hotel concierge to book for us (I cannot live without a good concierge in Tokyo)  but even then it was busy and we couldn’t get the exact time we wanted. It seemed promising, most places are only full if they are good as the Japanese really queue and wait for things that are worthwhile.

Two of the Alice waitresses

Arriving at our destination, we head up to the 5th floor in the elevator along with 6 other people also headed to Alice and are led through narrow blue velvet curtained mirrored halls, past a large oversized clock and into our blue curtained private booth. All of the rooms are blue curtained booths in varying sizes to accommodate different sized parties. It’s not for the claustrophobic although I find it cozy and quite Alice rabbit burrow-like. There are silhouetted mirror images of Alice and the Hare at  the tea party and a vertical mirror image of it. We can see the people in the other booths somewhat through these but not clearly.

Our first waitress is a scream. She’s completely batty and I’m sure has no idea that she isn’t in Wonderland. She’s confused and confusing us to no end but doing it with a big smile and enthusiasm. We do place our order despite this and it is correct so perhaps it’s all part of the experience (although the later waitresses show no sign of the “altitude sickness”).

The drinks menu

Playing cards open to reveal pictures of the drinks

There is a minimum order of 1 drink and 1 meal per person which she tries to explain to us. She shows us each menu like revealing a big storybook and the drinks menu is particularly cute with the cocktails hidden inside playing cards. The coasters are Alice playing cards and should you want service, you simply press the bell on the table and a waitress will come within seconds. There is even a section at the back of the menu that tells you where you can buy the outfits from.

Amuse Bouch Y600 (yes, seriously)

As we are waiting they give us the Amuse Bouche course, curiously a tiny cup of dried banana chips and dried apricots with a little sign saying “Eat Me”. I didn’t like either given how parched we were and the waitress was a little batty so it took a while to get our drinks and water. Again, we learn that we are charged for our Amuse Bouches under the heading “charm” and the price of these little unwanted morsels? Y600 each, yep $12AUD for two of us for some bits of dried fruit.

Left “Lolita” drink Y750 Right Milkshake Y850

Our drinks finally arrive, the Lolita drink (orange and cranberry) is not off to a great start. The orange juice is not particularly fresh (you know, the point where Orange juice in your fridge is starting to go off but hasn’t yet) but the milkshake isn’t bad, although it is more just milk mixed with fruit, no ice cream.

Cheshire Cat croquette Y750

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It’s been a while since I’ve been to Greenwood Chinese. My husband I used to frequent the restaurant when it was under previous management and they used to have a Yum Cha special on the weekends when dishes were $2.50 each. Yes really, dishes were that cheap. So cheap that my husband would order plates and plates of Har Gow and scoff them down while patting his distended stomach blissful in the savings that he’d made. Now that it has changed hands, the specials are gone along with my husband’s patronage.

Today, M and I are at Greenwood Plaza and having a quick lunch. We need something quick and Yum Cha, with it’s at-the-ready trolleys circulating seems the perfect choice. We pass the enormous fish tank at the front and make our way to a table. Within seconds, we have our first steamed goodies on the table.

Chee Cheong Fan with prawns

The slippery and ready to fall apart rice flour rolls are filled with prawns and coated in a semi sweet soy sauce. They’re not as good as I usually like them, tasting quite floury rather than delicate.

Spinach dumplings

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View out of Gordon Ramsay Plane Food

I have some rather awesome friends I must say. Ones that share in my love of food and understand when I whip out a camera during a meal without sighing loudly or complaining. One of these friends is the self named “Carbon Debit”, owing the amount of time she spends in the skies traveling and working towards her pilot’s license. So when she went to Gordon Ramsay’s Plane Food restaurant at London’s Heathrow Airport T5 we were all interested to see what she had to say. It’s no secret that Australia is Gordon Ramsay obsessed, which will only be spurred on by his Sydney appearance at the Good Food and Wine Show (where an ebayer sold two tickets and a copy of his book for $350!).

So without further ado, here is what my friend had to say about Gordon Ramsay’s Plane Food.

In one word - lovely!!!

I wasn’t really that hungry because I had a rather large plate of salad for lunch before I left for Heathrow, at around 1pm. I got to Plane Food at around 4:15pm. But I had to have something there, or it would have defeated the object of going to Plane Food.

Their menu was displayed well before the entrance (which is down a corridor) so it was easy to decide whether I could find something I wanted to try despite not being hungry, or not, without feeling bad about looking and walking off.

I spotted a crab and miso salad with purple shiso which sounded rather light and lovely. They also offered a starter size and a main size. Ideal to have a starter sized one under the circumstance. The area is quite spacious and airy, and it is sort of on a ‘balcony’. It’s hard to describe exactly what it’s like, but you can see the floor below you, if you sit nearest to the window, as well as the tarmac area and BA hangars. Tables are not too crammed in, although not so sparse either. The lines are ‘clean’ and there is no chintz in sight. It’s a very pleasant andrelaxing but at the same time not excessively casual atmosphere.

So I walked up to the entrance and was greeted by a bright, friendly but not overpowering girl who showed me to the table. She asked me if I wanted to sit near the window, which I said yes. She helped me put my carry on out of the way as well. She told me that the special was duck in orange sauce. Under a normal circumstance I would definitely have that (perhaps as well as the crab miso salad!), but I was just not hungry enough. Dammit. I shouldn’t have had the salad for lunch.

Although I already had a look at the menu, I did have a bit more look out ofcuriosity. It all looked pretty good. A waiter promptly came up to ask me what I wanted to drink, and I asked about juices. He knew what they had (often not the case in restaurants!), and I ordered a glass of cranberry juice which arrived very promptly.

Crab miso salad with soya beans, cucumber and purple shiso was duly ordered (everything was very efficient there) and I only needed to look out of the window onto the passing BA aeroplanes for a very short time before it arrived.

Crab and Miso salad £9.50

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