And no I haven’t been drinking…
My phone rang the other morning. A friendly male voice on the other end introduced himself ”Hello, I’m (I missed his name) from the <insert name of scary government agency>”. I was a bit cloudy headed so it didn’t quite click.
“The what? What is that?” I asked semi conscious.
“The <scary government agency>” he said.
“Ohhhh” I said gulping and quickly scrolling through my head to see what crimes I may have committed. I wondered if putting on the washing machine at 8pm or playing 80s music on repeat was now considered a federal crime?
“Is this one of my friends?” I asked. My mind immediately flashed to my chef friend David Tsirekas from Xanthi and Perama restaurant who is a notorious prankster. Plus this man sounded so friendly. Didn’t they wear trenchcoats and speak in monotone voices to get ze information out of you? Oh hang on that’s the movies and that’s also the wrong continent. Still as someone that had just read Suelettte Dreyfuss’s book on hackers and Julian Assange and their battles with the this government agency, I was wary.
“What do you want?” I asked.
“Well someone at the Canberra branch was reading your blog and showed us the story where you mention you had a memory stick of ours and we were just wondering if you still had it” he explained.
I told him that it wasn’t actually me that had the memory stick but someone Mr NQN knows. He of course did nothing wrong except for pick up from the street and take it to work to see what was on it which most people would. Once he realised that it was the scary government agency he returned the stick to them but not after Mr NQN played some naughty tricks on him to spook him. But still I know that they don’t have cupcake parties and nap time. You tend not to screw around with them.
“I don’t have that man’s number but I can give you my husband’s” I said not knowing what to do. Mr NQN might have to employ some crack Bear Grylls moves but I knew he would be fine.
“How did you get my number?” I asked him before I got off the phone.
He laughed-not evilly I noted, although it would have been an opportune time for an evil cackle. “Oh that’s right, I forgot who you were for a second” I said, before hanging up.
So what does this have to do with a cheeseburger pie? Not much except that I served this to Mr NQN that evening. I wanted to make him something delicious and quirky just in case he was mad at me. I originally got this idea from Faith who made a slightly different pie using a square of puff pastry. I decided to make it a bit more traditional in the shape of a round pie with a crimped edge. I made the mince just like you would a burger patty mince but I injected more of the pickle and tomato flavour and added sesame seeds just to give it that burger bun flavour.
It was one of the easiest pies I have ever baked and Mr NQN loved it. It tasted just like a cheeseburger especially when topped with lettuce (please excuse my lettuce, it was very pale at the centre) and tomato. I served it with extra pickles, sauce and some Beerenberg hamburger Relish which was rich with sweet and tangy onions and suddenly I was in Mr NQN’s good books again. And I even got a bonus round of points when I had about 3/4 of a cup of the mince left over and cooked it the next day with a jar of pasta sauce and served it on some pappardelle and I had the makings of a very quick and easy beef ragu with pappardelle.
P.S. The story has a happy ending. Mr NQN’s colleague was not tortured, questioned or cavity searched. And if the scary government agency have decided to surveil me they would no doubt be bored to see my many cooking experiments and witness the lunches and dinners that I have. The copious photo taking of food in the kitchen though, well that might puzzle them…
So tell me Dear Reader, have you ever had a gotten someone else into trouble accidentally? Or yourself?
Cheeseburger Pie
An Original Recipe by Not Quite Nigella
- 1 sheet of shortcrust pastry or a pie crust, thawed
- a little butter for brushing
- 455g/1 pound good quality beef (I used an organic beef)
- 1 onion, finely chopped
- 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
- 2 tablespoons Worchestershire sauce
- 1/2 cup parsley, finely chopped
- 1 egg
- 4 tablespoons tomato paste
- 1-2 tablespoons mustard (depending on taste)
- 1/2 cup breadcrumbs
- 8 cornichon pickles or 2-3 large dill pickles, finely chopped
- 4 tablespoons of the pickle juice
- a few drops of Tabasco sauce (optional)
- 2 tablespoons sesame seeds
- salt and pepper to season
- 1.5 cups shredded cheese
- Fresh tomato, pickles, lettuce and tomato ketchup to serve
1. Preheat oven to 200C/400F. Butter a pie plate lightly and line the pie plate with some shortcrust pastry. Dock the pastry with a fork and crimp the edges. Line the pastry with foil making sure to cover all of the pastry edges and fill with ceramic pastry weights (you can also use dried beans or rice). Bake for 15 minutes and remove the foil and baking beads and cool slightly.
2. In the meantime, combine the rest of the items in a bowl except for the cheese and mix together thoroughly. Fill the pie with the cheeseburger mixture and then top with the cheese. Reduce heat to 180c/350F and bake for 25-30 minutes until cheese is bubbly and golden. Allow to cool for about 10 minutes as it makes it easier to slice (but you don’t have to if you’re hungry).
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70 Comments | Add your own
Yummm, this does look fantastic! I think even if I were called for questioning by a scary government agency, this would make me feel better
Well, probably…
The pie looks amazing. This reminds me of mince and cheese pie which I like but the cheeseburger pie is the “rolls royce” version:) Getting calls from gov’t agencies is not the most pleasant experience, even if we are good citizens!
That looks amazing, but oh so evil!
Mighty scrumptious! I have sometimes made something very similar… Very enjoyable!
Cheers,
Rosa
oooh scary phonecall indeed!!!!
This looks and sounds so delish, especially with the lettuce and tomato sauce on top. I think we all accidentally get ourselves or others into strife sometimes.
I’m glad your story had a happy ending, I was getting a little worried there! I’m always getting myself into trouble and occasionally others but not intentionally! Love the pie… yum!
Ooo errr! Quirky indeed. I have a huge block of that luridly orange american cheese that I bought from Costco that would be perfect for this.
Ooh whee, what a treat! Of course this would get you in mr nqn’s good books, you’d totally get away with murder with this dish (look away federal agents..nobody’s planning to commit murder here!) I love cheeseburgers and this looks like a delicious and healthier minimal carb Cheeseburger option (I’m making those “healthy” spins as you can see
)
PHEW! I’m glad there’s a happy ending
Fun recipe too.
Funny story! This pie looks amazing and I will be making it this week!
Hehe too funny. Great looking pie
Your pie looks fantastic!
I’ve learned to keep quiet now and let Jason do all the talking in case my big mouth gets us into trouble *hehe*
Glad it all worked out in the end!
Not a big fan of cheeseburgers but oh my this looks good. My husband would love this. This is definitely the sort of thing to make when you get on their bad side!
Oooohhh…comfort food at its best!
Dear, Lorraine,
I loooooove that some of your stories have nothing to do with the recipe. And so do your readers…It’s gives us a little glimpse into your world. And this is one of the reasons your blog is FABULOUSLY FABULOUS. True Blood and all that fun stuff… Any Whoo, about the cheeseburgar pie, I have one question, please: Witout the bun, is it lower fat? xx
Mmmm, it’s a giant cheeseburger! I’d love some for dinner in about an hour, please:)
What a scary phone call, even when you know you haven’t done anything wrong!
Fantastic idea! And I can so see David playing that trick on you!
That sounds oddly delish! I could totally go some of that pie after a big night out
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm a combination of two awesome things – the cheeseburger and the meat pie! You are a genius and I love that it’s not that hard to make. I think I’ll be trying this one.. hopefully not to get out of trouble though hehehe.. xx
Fox FM in Melbourne played a gotcha call on my husband when I alerted them to the fine he had recently received (and denied) about throwing a cigarette butt out of a window… hilarious
Certainly looks much yummier than a meat loaf – am certain tastes better too
! Since I am rather known for doing before thinking [still haven't learnt!!], ‘trouble’ has at times ensued 
! Latest this past weekend on facebook: since many friends from younger days don’t understand this format of ‘social networking’ was pleased to discover a pal from teenage years – sent a message to say ‘hi’ and a friend request. Got a crisp messsage back that she preferred her social intercourse thru’ more ‘acceptable’ channels, but clicked ‘yes’ to the request. Mixed messages to me? Couldn’t v well ‘defriend’ her. Leap forward: started getting fb notices that she was actually looking for friends and made the huge mistake of putting down a once-upon-time good friend of both of us for her to ponder on. Meant oh so well, naturally! Shall we say the note I got in y’day am’s email quite spoilt my day! Another lesson hopefully learned. . . . 
I got my son into trouble at school because I couldn’t get the stain out of his shorts and he went to school in clean but stained shorts. I must point out that the shorts were stained at school during an experiment! I had a go at them for that, because I didn’t think it was fair for him to get penalised for my lack of domestic goddess sicks.
skills. a freudian slip perhaps!!
what a cute idea, a cheeseburger pie!!! Genius
You always think of things I would never think of. Thanks for posting this. xo
Oh my goodness! I would be so freaked out! I hate getting into trouble – and even thought you weren’t actually in trouble it must have felt a bit like you were!
Scary, very scary…receive that kind calls make me scary.Great pie…!!!
Lol @ your story. I would have had a mini breakdown on the phone lol. This pie is genius!!! It looks amazing and is making me hungry
I love reading your blog, always something different and quirky, cheeseburger pie! As well as scary government agency stories.
Hehe I work in Canberra and I am the only one out of my group of friends whose work email doesn’t end with ‘.gov.au’ :s
Love the pie recipe, I have to make it for my friend who loves creating his ‘double-triple cheese burgers’!
Lorraine
What a totally random story about the usb stick!
I love the pie recipe!
It’s just what I’ve been feeling like eating.
SSG xxx
What a weird accident! I haven’t got into such troubles before … maybe someday
that is awesome….I cannot wait to try this for my family x
Oh I was getting a little nervous just reading that account!!
Thankfully it all ended with pie. Many things should end with pie…
Lorraine, you just gave me one more way to enjoy cheeseburgers (one of my favorite foods and secret indulgences). Meat lover that I am and pastry crust lover that I am, this has to be great. And, you story is funny as usual, which is why I always read the whole post, a great distraction from American politics.:)
I stayed in Thailand a few years ago, after a chance car accident, that set me off on travelling the world (before I had the fate of staring death in the face again!). As always, waited till the last moment to leave the country, and move on to stay with my lovely friend in Malaysia. Disaster struck, when the late evening train I was booked on was delayed, and as a result (and a long story relating to catering staff giving up their bed for me on the delayed train). I arrived at the border, only to be put in jail for being one day over my visa date!!!!
( Fortunately a few phone calls and not an indecent amount of Thai baht sorted out the problem, but that was a scary government agency moment! Lemons and avocados from my friends garden, and a trip on their little boat in crystal clear acqua waters at the end of their road, helped me overcome the trauma! I am pretty careful with giving myself a bit of travelling leighway these days though! Glad your experience was similarly benign in the end!
I heart cheeseburgers and I heart pies. This is like my dream meal! *drool*
My hubby- I mean kiddies- would love this pie, something you can make healthy that tastes like it isn’t. Every mothers dream!
Last year my hubby had a big security clearance to pass and it was epic. He was going for the B grade, and when he asked the difference between the two grades, he was told “B grade is where we assume you’re telling the truth, A grade is where we try to prove you’re not.” Lucky us I guess!
I have some friends in ‘special’ jobs that need security checks every 2 years, and I give charactor references for them. The questions are really invaisive and I always answer them honesty. But then I wonder who checks that I’m trustworthy
I am simultaneously grossed out yet oddly attracted to this recipe. I’m sure it’s actually delicious!
Oh Lorraine, I think it’s clear that your spy training went out the window when you heard that voice on the phone! I do hope you were at least hiding behind a pole at the time..
This is such a splendiferously manly version of “pie”, isn’t it? Go you!
just got back from the gym and i am DROOLING at the idea of this pie… I must try it soon.
the cheeseburger pie looked awesome!! Never thought of that actually.
That’s one interesting pie! I never even thought of making something like that! It looks sinful! hehehe
My daughter is 9 yrs old and just had three serves of this AWESOME pie! The first pie she had ever liked! Thanks Lorraine, for giving me another thumbs up meal for the family, especially as they love Cheeseburgers. And so easy too! I made my own shortcrust in the food processor, well worth it, and not hard! And i used American mustard in it.
This definitely looks like the type of meal to get yourself out of trouble. Well done!
This is a first! it looks so good, just minus the amount of carbs
great idea lorraine!! 
what an interesting concept
Oh hahahha.. you poor thing! I would have been scared shitless!! hahahaha.. Sorry sorry… one shouldn’t laugh… I don’t think I have ever done anything quite on that scale!
Incidentally, that pie looks delicious!
you just won food blogging. this is shear brilliance.
Love all that gorgeous cheese on top. Wouldn’t love a call like that! xoxo Mum
Oh NQN I was sure it was a joke too when I read the story! How bizarre – do you think they just compare notes on your recipes in said govt agency and then suddenly they find that your associate has something of theirs?
You had me at cheeseburger and made me grin with addition of pie <3
Oh my goodness Lorraine! Who would think your harmless food blogg to be on the “watch list” for secret information(lol)..Albeit how to win those fabulous prizes you have from time to time…
Been in trouble a few times,I laugh about it now but at the time it wasn’t my finest hour so to speak.
My cousins(teenagers) love cheese burgers..Now I know exactly what to make and guarentee it gets eaten.
PS no more Wiki leaks reading for you…
You come up with the best ideas I swear
I would love this, so would my boyfriend I think 
I’m full of trouble really, but generally I just get myself into trouble rather than other people. I’d have been so frightened if a man from the ‘scary government agency’ called me up one day
Oh my word. I love the look of that pie!!
(
What a scary phone call though
I love your quirky recipes!
What a story (as I sit here both goggled eyed in wonder and chuckling under my breath). And I would love to know what scary government agency thinks of your blog. This yummy pie is like a throw back to my youth. Now that is scary – if it wasn’t so good! My men would love this!
OMG this pie is a-mazing – so creative and I’ve never seen or heard cheeseburger pie before! I would totally enjoy this savory pie.
I’m so glad you enjoyed the cheeseburger pie, Lorraine! It was definitely a favorite in my house.
Wow, what a scary phone call!
I dislike scary, official phone calls especially from government agency. I work in immigration, so I wonder if people dislike phone calls from me…
Love this cheeseburger pie. Just my kind of meal. Thank you for sharing the recipe. I cannot wait to try this.
OMG, I laughed out loud and people are staring! So funny and that pie looks fabulous, my gentleman friends 6 year old is going to love that!
Wow, that is one good looking pie. I am definately cooking it soon. Guess I shouldn’t read your blog at lunchtime!!
this is a really tasty idea. the squirt of ketchup on top really seals the deal for me.
This looks naughty & very nice! As for getting people into trouble, I can’t say i’ve caused the trouble but I have been responsible for dealing with it afterwards.
I love the idea of a cheeseburger pie, awesome!
love love love the idea of cheeseburger pie! and those lettuce and pickles on top – yummy
all i need is a burger bun top hee
Cheeseburger PIE? Genius. I suspect I’d miss the bread, but if it’s replaced by puff pastry I’m all in.
This looks awesome! I am defiantly going to make this, but with bacon
I love Beerenberg’s pickles and relishes
what a great idea! this would be perfect to take on a picnic
Where do you always get such brilliant ideas…?
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