During my previous life in advertising, I used to go out for lunch a lot (although not as often as I do now). When you're in the media department of an advertising agency, lunches are a commonplace occurrence and it was possibly the main perk of the job-it certainly wasn't the long hours or the demanding clients. The woman that was taking us out this particular day was a sales rep and she had taken us to one of Sydney's best restaurants. There were five of us at a table, four of us staring at her nipple.
I know I've been flashed before (see much, much worse incident) but we were in a very well heeled establishment and the waiter was about to come over and take our order and I had no doubt that he was going to get an eyeful. She had obviously felt relaxed enough to undo the first few buttons on her shirt and well she wasn't wearing a bra. All of us looked at each other not knowing what to do.
The girl sitting next to me looked stunned - her eyes bulged out of her head and her head was angled back so that it was as far away from this woman as possible. She looked as if she had just seen a dancing pig scramble across the room and take up a seat at our table. One of the boys at the table smiled a predatory smile (I could just see him telling his friends about it) while another colleague raised an eyebrow. I think that if he could have ordered popcorn he would have and he settled in to watch matters unfold.
I didn't know what to do. She was such a lovely if sartorially challenged woman and perhaps she couldn't feel the cool breeze of the Arctic air conditioning on her nipple. I considered dropping some Seinfeld references to "Gipple" or playing with my top in the same way that if you rub your nose everyone else does the same. But alas I didn't have time and I could see the waiter coming our way so I said brightly "So Leonie, what are you going to order for lunch?" and at the emphasis on the you, I reached over and pulled her shirt together. She realised why quickly, the boys rolled their eyes at the show being suddenly called to a halt and the girl next to me breathed an enormous sigh of relief. And lunch was much less stressful after that.
I first saw these Nipples of Venus voluntarily when I was in Austria. They're chocolates that featured in the 1984 film Amadeus and were said to be enjoyed by his rival Salieri. They have since been revived and nowadays, they are made at and sold at a restaurant called Scio Specereyen in Vienna. Filled with chestnut and nougat paste they're enrobed in chocolate and resemble nipple topped breasts.
These were my second attempt-I had tried rolling these with the nougat paste but they was nothing but disaster so I decided I needed a mold. I placed an order for a round mold only to be send a round one with hard edges (silicone? ;) ) so I abandoned the idea of using a nougat and decided that cookie or cake pops would do. I actually used some leftover chocolate cake from trimmings and of course you could use that but the recipe I've given below is for another batch that was made with tim tams aka cookie pops. You can leave these on the pop stick and serve them like that but I liked the simple serving, in a patty paper. Just because boobs on sticks look a bit strange (not that boobs in a box don't ;) ).
They're not quite as smooth as you would get when using a mold to make the perfect roundness but that didn't stop Mr NQN from devouring ten pieces in one hit when I gave these to him for Valentines Day. The filling is rich and chocolatey and the smooth shell of chocolate and novelty appearance might perhaps send some hearts racing!
So tell me Dear Reader, what are you going to do for Valentines Day this year? And how would you have told her about her wardrobe malfunction?
Nipples of Venus
1 packet Tim Tams
50grams/1.7 ozs light or regular cream cheese (I used light)
3-4 tablespoons almond meal
red food colouring gel or liquid
125g/4ozs dark chocolate
150/5ozs white chocolate
1 tablepoon of copha or paramount crystals (to help the chocolate being more liquid and easier to coat with)
a tiny amount of pink food colouring
Step 1 - In a food processor, process the biscuits, cream cheese until it becomes a smooth paste. You may need to stop and scrape 2-3 times to do this. Add almond meal if it becomes too sticky. Scrape the mixture into a bowl and refrigerate for 30 minutes until it becomes firmer.
Step 2 - With a melon baller or small spoon scoop out truffle shaped balls and rolls these into balls between your palms. If you have hot palms like me, run them under cold water and quickly towel them dry.
Step 3 - Do one chocolate type at a time. Melt the chocolate over a double boiler or in a microwave. To melt using a double boiler place the chocolate in a heatproof bowl that sits snugly on top of a saucepan of simmering water ensuring the the bottom of the bowl doesn't touch the water-also make sure that no water gets into the chocolate. To do this in a microwave, place it in a microwave proof bowl heating it in 60 second bursts at 50% temperature ensuring to stir between each burst. For tips on tempering couverture chocolate see here.
Step 4 - Dip a lollypop stick or a small wooden skewer into chocolate and carefully and gently insert it into the base of the cookie pop. Allow to set firm (refrigerate if necessary). Then spoon the chocolate over each ball making sure to blanket the chocolate on top as you want it as smooth as possible. Make sure that excess chocolate drips off-this is very important.
Step 5 - Make the nipples by mixing a little of the white chocolate with pink food colouring and placing this in a small piping bag (I just use one made with parchment). Then do the same with some of the white and dark chocolate placing these in piping bags. Pipe a white circle on the dark chocolate truffles and a brown circle on the white chocolate truffles and then in the centre pipe a tiny pink dot. Allow to set and place in paper cases.